I meet new people all the time, some of which are those that drink alcohol. Having been clean and sober now for over 18 years, many of those people find out soon enough when they spend some time with me, that I don’t drink any type of alcohol at all and that I will never be able to just have one.
It often can be frustrating for me to go to any event where alcohol is present. And that’s not for the fact that drinking is taking place because that doesn’t really bother me. Whether it be a wedding, a fundraiser, or some other social event where the consumption of alcoholic beverages is taking place, what bothers me there is when someone always ends up approaching me to ask why I don’t have a drink in my hand and then tries to offer me one. The unavoidable usually happens to where I end up getting in a lengthy conversation with them about my sobriety and how I haven’t had any alcohol in a very long time. The irony in all of it is that most of those people who engage me like this always then proceed to talk to me about how their own consumption of alcohol is healthy and normal. I’m not sure if I’m a tractor beam for those with guilty consciences about their drinking habits but for some reason, it does happen to me a lot. Regardless, it’s rather comical because after those conversations, I’m usually avoided by those people for the rest of the evening.
For those that haven’t suffered from the throngs of alcoholism and never had any serious problems with drinking, there is relatively no understanding that they are ever going to have on why someone like me can’t just have one drink. In the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) world, they call this condition “the phenomenon of craving” where if I had even a single drink, no matter what type of drink it is, I could never stop with just the one. Instead it became two, and then three and finally I was “off to the races” to getting massively drunk.
Early on in recovery, I never went to bars or other places where heavy drinking, or any drinking for that matter, would be present because of being too susceptible to that phenomenon of craving. I found that I was just too sensitive to the temptation of having a single alcohol based beverage, especially during my first year of recovery. It was even hard to go into some restaurants that had bars within them back then. But eventually being around alcohol became inevitable as it does so for most people. Whether it be that friends and loved ones would drink when I went out with them or that I was invited to some type of party such as a birthday where alcohol was present, I had to start getting used to the fact that I couldn’t avoid being around it forever.
It wasn’t easy at first but my adaptation came by usually bringing a sober companion along with me until I got used to being around alcohol. I guess one might compare that to something like learning how to ride a bike. As in something like that, I needed that support for awhile until I felt comfortable on my own. In time that did come.
Today, I’m able to go to any function where alcohol is present, as being around it doesn’t bother me anymore. I let go of needing that support in those types of situations long ago. But I have to admit that I still chuckle under my breath when I am approached at any of those alcohol-laden functions by a person who either tries to get me to have one drink or give me a long discourse on their history of drinking habits. The sad reality is that no matter how many ways I try to get them to understand my disease with alcohol, most don’t ever quite get it. Ultimately though that doesn’t really matter because I accepted a long time ago this one simple fact; that I can never have just one ever again…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson