Currently, there are close to three million marriages occurring each year in the United States. And sadly, most people know already of the alarming statistic that over 50 percent of them will eventually end in divorce. So why is that?
I believe there are many factors which contribute to that one out of every two marriage’s falling. But the truth is that most fall apart because the two people stop working together on showing support for each other and instead began focusing on their own selfish interests.
Being in a marriage is challenging and I’m convinced that sustaining longevity in any of them often requires putting the other partner’s interests first. In a new relationship or marriage, this often happens naturally. Each partner is generally so excited to be with each other, they automatically are willing to do just about everything outside their usual comfort zone. But eventually, that buzz wears off. And that’s when the ego begins to take control where many people return to their same self-centered selves that existed prior to entering into that connection. It’s then, that going out of one’s way to doing special things for the other partner, going above and beyond the normal chore duties to help that other partner out, and even just listening intently on the words coming out of the other partner’s mouth when they’re communicating, begins to fall to the wayside. This is when one or both partners begin to focus on their own needs, wants, and desires first and their other half’s second. And when that begins to take place over a period of time, partners become unhappy because they don’t feel as important in each other’s eyes which then leads the marriage to dissolve.
Then there’s those marriages which end because they only began based upon selfish interests that surrounded what a person looked like or had to offer them such as money or power. As those looks disappear when each partner grows older, or if that money or power begins to dissipate, the marriage can suddenly loose its allure because it was never based upon selfless and unconditionally loving principles.
I also know there are many marriages that begin based out of nothing but fear. My sister is in her second marriage now but her first lasted a very short time because a large part of her was afraid to be alone so she took the first offer that came her way. I’ve also known of some who married over their fear of being gay and others who were pushed into it because of family pressures. And unfortunately, for any of these types of marriages where some type of fear brings two people together, there’s a strong tendency for them to implode because they didn’t originate from a true soul to soul connection.
Recently, I’ve been talking about marriage a lot more with my partner who I’ve been with now for just about 18 months. Neither of us want to contribute to that alarming divorce statistic so we have been waiting patiently and working diligently on growing a spiritual connection with God at the center. This has translated into putting each other’s needs first more than not and given us a communication that is helping us to grow together. I believe that if we continue doing this, we will end up marrying when the time feels right and can become one of those couples that spends their lives together like Harold and Ruth Knapke of Dayton, Ohio did. I read in USA Today recently that this couple spent 65 years together happily married and on August 11th, 2013, just days before their 66th anniversary, they passed away within hours of each other. To me that is true love that was based upon a soul to soul connection.
It’s a shame though that so many other marriages end in divorce these days. There’s a good chance that any marriage which comes together because of fear or selfish interests will follow this trend, and only increase the country’s divorce rate. The same probably holds true for those marriages where one or both partners is focusing more on their own needs first. I’d safe it was a safe bet that neither condition was true for the Knapke’s who stayed happily married until their deaths.
For those out there who might be considering marriage right now, I really hope each of you will ask yourself honestly if you are doing it based upon true love and not out of fear or things such as physical attraction, wealth, or power. And as for those out there who might be already married but going through seriously rocky times, I really hope each of you will take a hard look at yourself to see if you might be placing your own needs, wants, and desires first and your other half’s second more than not. In either of these cases, you don’t have to eventually become another statistic that only increases our country’s divorce rate. Seek a Higher Guidance and know in doing this, you will be guided to healthier marriages.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson