I was driving around the other day looking for the closest Starbucks to grab a quick iced decaf when the GPS in my vehicle guided me onto the property of a local university. As I landed in front of the student union, I saw many new freshman walking around with campus maps and backpacks touring the campus. While I never did find the Starbucks my GPS was trying to send me to, I was guided to something completely different and that was some forlorn memories of my own college days.
Sometimes I struggle with how I spent over four years of time at my college, which was the Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT). Seeing those young kids that were innocently new to college life really triggered thoughts of when I began those days walking around my own campus with a own map and backpack. Much of my thoughts at that time was not of getting excited over gaining a higher education. Instead it was on how soon I could get to a college party where there would be lots of drinking.
When people ask me today about the life I had at RIT, it really is just a blur of one party after another and a lot of studying thrown in between them. Those that I’ve known over the years who went to other colleges remember the things I wished I had experienced a lot more like the bonding times and close friendships they developed, of which many are still part of their life today. I really try not to live in regret with how I lived my own college days. But seeing those young kids on that university’s campus walking around made me wish for just a moment that I could go back in time and relive my college days clean and sober. I can remember my mother telling me to enjoy my college days as they would fly by so fast. I can still hear here saying that there would come a day when I would miss it immensely. She was right on many levels but what I miss most about those days is actually what I never allowed myself to experience.
At the present time, the only thing I have to show for all those years at college is a degree that I’m not using at the present time and one friend who I’ve been trying to reconnect with. A year ago, I went to a fraternity reunion where I felt very distant to most of the people there as I had never gotten close to anyone of them during my college days. The only things I had ever allowed myself to become best friends with were the alcohol and drugs I had in my hands on most days. Thankfully today, my life has become very different.
Alcohol and drugs robbed me at RIT of living and experiencing the joys in life that God has shown me exist. Sharing close bonding times and laughter with friends, having coffees and meals over intimate conversations, taking weekend long retreats and so much more are just some of the wonderful things I’ve been able to do clean and sober. I know those things could have happened when I went through my college years but I made different choices in life back then. The choices I made then led me in the exact opposite direction from ever experiencing those things.
While I may have an occasional regret about my college days like when I saw those freshman walking around that university the other day, I am truly grateful to God that I’m not missing out on my life anymore. Today I am living life to my fullest potential with God at the helm and thankfully, it’s all being done clean and sober. At least in this state of mind I can say there’s a pretty good chance down the road I won’t be looking back on these years with any fogginess like I do with my college years.
So whether you are a freshman on a college campus, or are in some other phase of your life, take a moment, breathe, and allow yourself to truly experience the moment your living right now. Chasing after alcohol and drugs to get drunk or high in this moment or any moment is only going to rob you of ever doing that. It may seem like a fun thing to do right now, but eventually, it will do nothing but create that fogginess and prevent you from living your life to the fullest potential. Ask yourself if that’s really what you want for yourself? I’m pretty sure you already know the answer.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson