Committed relationships are hard work. Some say it’s like having a full time job. And the truth is, they’re right. Both people must be open and willing to do the work that’s necessary to see their relationship grow. Unfortunately, too many of them often dissolve because one or both were more selfish than not towards each other. But for those that last for a great many years, one of the main reasons is due to the amount of selflessness that’s demonstrated by both partners within it. This is why my partner and I decided recently to add something to our daily routine with each other to help ensure our relationship’s growth and not demise. We call it “The Selfish And Selfless Exercise”.
We begin this exercise each night now before going to bed by sitting down, facing each other, and making complete eye contact. It’s then one of us will take the time to reflect upon where the other has been selfless in their actions during that day. We find it’s important to share those compliments first, as they don’t usually have the tendency to affect the ego in any negative way. Once that’s done, then the same person will share their constructive criticism about where the other has been selfish in their actions during that day. One ground rule we have during this round is that the person receiving the comments is to be silent and not provide any rebuttal or defense. Doing so would undermine the purpose of this whole exercise. Of course, when one of us is completely done sharing our reflection of the other’s selfless and selfish actions, the roles then reverse.
So far, this seems to be helping us immensely because it sheds lights upon the areas of our life that are spiritually growing and those that are not. My partner and I both know we still have many areas of selfishness to work through in various facets of our lives. But neither one of us has the desire to see our relationship fail, like so many others seem to be doing these days. That being said, we realize now that any of that selfishness needs to be removed or it will end up undermining our relationship’s growth potential. I’m so very grateful to my Higher Power today for having a partner who is open to doing an exercise like this each and every day. While it may prove to be challenging at times for each of our egos, we both agree how invaluable a tool it’s becoming to seeing our relationship grow.
So if you are in a relationship and have the tendency to think about yourself more than not, then know all you’re really doing is being selfish. And in the long run, all that’s going to do is end up destroying it. If you want to have a happy and long-lasting relationship, try utilizing “The Selfish And Selfless Exercise” that my partner and I do at the end of each day. Not only can it end up helping each of you grow in your own spiritual journeys in life, it can also bring a lot more love and light to your relationship. And that alone, can sustain it through anything.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson