When I was first brought into this world, my Creator made me into something that I believe was most like a beautiful ceramic vase.
I was shiny, vibrant, and flawless in every way. People loved holding me, admiring me, and taking pictures of me. And I know that my Creator was so very happy of his masterpiece.
Unfortunately as I grew older, my vase began to sustain some damage. Small cracks would appear in me every time my parent’s alcoholism reared its ugly head. Chips would come out of me every time I was bullied in school. A large part of me cracked off when I was molested by an older man around the age of 12. It was then that my beautiful ceramic vase was no longer so shiny, vibrant, and flawless in every way.
When I found alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes were able to ease my childhood pains for a time, many more chips, dings, and cracks would happen to my once beautiful vase. By the time I found freedom from all those addictions, I was starting to look quite dull and become overlooked in life. Although I could still be filled with water and adorned with flowers, they would always wither within me after a short period of time.
For the next twelve years, I kept running away from the Creator of my once beautiful ceramic vase. During that time, several more large chunks of me would fall out as I became active in many other toxic addictions and had to endure not only my father’s suicide, but also my mother’s tragic death when she fell down the stairs drunk. Somehow, all of the patchwork I did to my once beautiful ceramic vase kept me together, except now; I was something that only my Creator was able to still see my original beauty.
And then the day arrived when a seven year relationship to someone I loved dearly had come to an end and I found that money wasn’t going to buy me happiness. All at once a huge crack appeared on my once beautiful ceramic vase, and suddenly I shattered completely apart into a million pieces.
It was then that I did my best to pick up all of them and trudge on a long road to find my Creator again. My only hope was that I could be fully repaired. The first destination on that road was when I entered the recovery world and began practicing the 12 Steps. I soon discovered that my original vase was totally beyond repair. Every time I tried to glue together some of my old pieces, I would fall back apart. Every time I poured water into me, it would spill back out.
Through the 3rd Step in recovery, I finally realized I had only one solution to rectify this. That was when I got on my knees a few years ago, and asked my Creator to make me into an entirely brand new, beautiful ceramic vase.
One that will become stronger than ever before…
One that will become more beautiful than ever…
And one that will become so full of life, it will draw flowers to it. Even those that are withering, but each will find life upon meeting the water within it.
Today, I am beginning to see how I am becoming that. While I know my vase is still being etched, shaped, and formed into another masterpiece by my Creator, I can see those things I prayed for are slowly coming true within it. But even more importantly, as long as I stay close to my Creator from here on out, I truly believe that my beautiful ceramic vase will never lose its shine, vibrancy, or become flawed ever again…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
