Month: October 2014

Thank You God…

Do you think it’s important to thank God (or whomever your Higher Power is) for what you do have in life? I do, especially on days like today when I’m feeling rather down and out and my ego starts trying to tell me that my life sucks, because it really doesn’t.

Over the past few weeks I’ve really been struggling with my physical health and given the longevity I’ve been enduring some of these issues, my thoughts have strayed a bit from actually being thankful to God. But I’m a firm believer in the notion that things could always get worse and I’m also quite sure there’s an abundance of other people out there who could take one look at my life and wish they were in my shoes. With that being said, I decided it was crucial to my health, my recovery and my spirituality to thank God today for at least ten things I do have, as I know it will help me to turn this negative thinking around.

Thank you God for the health I do have, as I know there are plenty of others who are considerably unhealthier in life.

Thank you God for my loving partner, as I know of numerous people who are single and long to be in a loving committed relationship.

Thank you God for the bountiful food, water, and shelter I have, as I know too many in this world are starving, dying of thirst, and homeless.

Thank you God for my recovery from a life of addictions, as I know there are far too many still out there slowly dying from this disease.

Thank You God for my spiritual teacher, as I know I wouldn’t be as far along on my spiritual path without her.

Thank You God for my ability to read and write, as I know that illiteracy is really a serious problem in our world.

Thank You God for my gift to spread hope and spiritually motivate others, as I know so many are in need of a lot more of that in life these days.

Thank You God for the loving relationship I have now with my sister, as I know there was a time when she wasn’t able to even tolerate my presence.

Thank You God for the unconditional love I have for myself today, as I know there are profuse amounts of people on this planet who live with so much self-hatred.

Thank You God the people who consider me their friend today, as I know there was a time when there were none.

And one more for good measure…

Thank You God for all the guidance and direction You continue to send me, as I know without out I probably wouldn’t be doing positive things for myself like writing this entry… J

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Happy Endings And The Walking Dead

Let me say right off the bat that this article isn’t anything about what sometimes can happen to a person at the end of a massage. Hopefully you already knew that though with the latter part of the title. LOL. Quickly moving on, an attribute that’s very important to me in the shows I regularly watch on television is that they each have happy endings or are leading towards one. This is one of the main reasons why I can’t get myself to watch something like The Walking Dead.

So yes, I’m not one of the 15 to 18 million viewers who are regularly viewing this show, but that’s not because it’s not a good one, because I believe it actually is. It’s just not the kind of thing I want to spend my time following given the apocalyptic struggles for survival the show surrounds.

If you happen to be one who doesn’t even know what I’m talking about, this show is based on a comic book series of the same name and its premise is quite simple. It’s about a group of people trying to survive after a virus turns the majority of the population into zombies. And as Season 5 begins, the majority of the show so far has been nothing more than killing zombies and avoiding becoming one. I only know this because I follow the entertainment industry so avidly. But I have to admit something, as I did try to watch this series back in its inception. Unfortunately, it gave me such terrible nightmares in the first few episodes I had to stop tuning in to it. While it is well scripted, well acted, and well directed, it really is hard for me to tune into something like this that has no happy ending in each episode or is even leading towards one.

Life is tough enough already given the state of our world and the levels of darkness that still exist within it. So the idea of tuning into something like The Walking Dead, which most likely is only going to depress me, isn’t very alluring. Instead, I like to watch television shows that uplift me by the end of each episode or are always heading in that direction. And this of course is the happy ending I’m speaking of in my title. Shows such as Mom, Once Upon a Time, Arrow, The Flash (which is about to make its freshman debut on the CW) and a number of others are ones I regularly follow. While every episode might not end with a happy ending, the theme of those I do watch are always good triumphing over evil and trying to create more hope in this world for others.

The Walking Dead isn’t so much about creating hope though, as it’s more about struggling to find any of it left and that to me is a very bleak thing indeed. I see enough situations going on in the world today that parallel this such as the wars happening oversees. Sometimes I just want to tune all of that out and create a little hope within myself by watching something that will uplift me and provide that happy ending.

I know that life won’t necessarily have happy endings like this all the time, but I realize in my spiritual journey that I want to have as much positivity in my life as possible. Thus the idea of watching something that will only depress me because it reminds me of the sad state of our world doesn’t attract me. It’s my hope to be a vessel on this planet that spreads more love and light and watching something on television that somehow seems to snuff some of that out is definitely going in the opposite direction of where I want to be heading.

So while The Walking Dead may be a good quality show in regards to its entertainment elements, it’s ultimately just not for me. The closer I draw to my Higher Power, the more I find myself wanting to be uplifted in what I watch, so I look for programs that have happy endings or are heading towards one. Hopefully at some point, the writers of The Walking Dead may end the series in a positive note by finding a cure and saving the world, as then and only then, might I tune into watching it. Until then, I’m going to continue viewing the ones that are helping me remain focused on why I’m here, which is to create more hope and be a greater vessel of love and light for everyone.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Are You An Honest Person?

Are you an honest person?

I fully believe one’s answer to this question is always going to be totally dependent on their relationship to their Higher Power.

When I came into recovery from a life of addiction, my Higher Power was definitely not running the majority of my life. In fact I was, or at least I was trying to, and I was doing a very poor job of it. In turn, I was far from being an honest person, but if you had asked me this question back then, I’d probably say I was. That’s only because I wouldn’t have wanted you to think less of me. I think that’s one of the major reasons why a person lies about anything. Regardless, it wasn’t until I began working on the 12 Steps did any of this change.

The first thing I had to become honest with in the 12 Steps was myself. I lied to myself for years believing I wasn’t an alcoholic, a drug addict, a sex and love addict, a codependent, etc. When I practiced Step One with each of these addictions though, I had to admit I was powerless over it and that my life had become unmanageable, and in doing so, I also grew a little more honest in life. Although I was able to successfully practice this step in entirety, my recovery program and my spiritual life consistently came to a halt because I kept avoiding the second part of getting honest, which was with my Higher Power.

I had avoided my Higher Power for several decades by engaging in so many addictions and frankly, I was pretty afraid of what was going to happen when I finally got honest with that Higher Power. The 12 Steps helped me to overcome that fear though and led me to use prayer as a tool to start that process. And although I believed my Higher Power already knew of everything I had done in selfishness, darkness, and hate, prayer became my way of admitting it openly to my Higher Power. The more I prayed about these things and tried to turn them over to my Higher Power, the more I felt myself getting more honest in life. But there was a third and final part I still had to get honest with as I practiced these steps, and that was with everyone else.

The pattern of me being dishonest with everyone else began as a very young kid when I would lie to my mother out of fear of catching her wrath. Over the years my lies to others would grow as my addictions did. Most of the time I lied to save my ass or to gain undeserved approval, but in either case, I wasn’t an honest person on most days. Even after I began practicing the 12 Steps, I found it rather hard to break this pattern. I often glorified my recovery in meetings or to sponsees, even though I was still living toxically on many levels. Thankfully, I had a good wake-up call to this level of dishonesty when I tried to kill myself and landed in the mental ward of a hospital. It was there I realized I had not been completely honest with my Higher Power about certain behaviors in my life that I knew were toxic for me, yet I had kept right on doing them. After I prayed about each and turned them over to my Higher Power, I can truly say that the honesty that emerged in my life was finally legit. While it might have taken me a very long time to ultimately find this level of honesty in every aspect of my life, the piece that has been the driving force to making it happen is my Higher Power.

The reality is that the farther away I’ve gotten in life from my Higher Power, the more I’ve tried to run the show, be controlling, and avoid things like prayer. And the more I’ve tried to run the show, be controlling, and avoid things like prayer, the more I’ve become dishonest with myself, with everyone else, and my Higher Power too. But, the closer I’ve drawn to my Higher Power, the less any of this has happened and instead, I’ve watched myself become far more honest than ever before with myself, with everyone else, and my Higher Power as well. So I guess you could say that I’m just grateful I do have a much closer relationship to my Higher Power today, because I know my level of honesty depends on it, as does my recovery from addictions and my spiritual journey in life too.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson