I’ve been asked quite a bit lately if maybe I’m just a little too structured in my recovery from addictions, including the way I sponsor someone. I have a really simple answer for whenever I’m asked this now. When I wasn’t structured in my recovery, I hardly had any recovery at all and when I wasn’t structured in the way I sponsored someone, my sponsees hardly had any of that either.
If you have no idea what I mean about structure in regards to a life of recovery, it’s probably best that I state a common fact amongst those who become addicted to anything. There’s never any structure at all for the life of an addict. Instead, the majority of their life becomes completely geared towards chasing after the substance of their addiction itself. Therefore work, plans, commitments, etc., are always secondary to seeking their addiction and often get derailed because of it.
But when a person finds a program of recovery for their addiction, most notably the 12 Steps, their life frequently resembles that of a restless canine who constantly chases one thing after another. Early on in recovery is especially when structure becomes crucial for gaining a successful recovery because without it, many generally find themselves drifting back into unhealthy behaviors and eventually their addiction itself. As for sponsorship, when there’s no structure guiding a newcomer through the 12 Steps, there’s a tendency for them to drift away, relapse, goof off, or become nothing more than a casual friend to their sponsor.
Through a tremendous amount of trial and error over the years, I’ve been able to discover that at least for me, having an unstructured recovery in any way, shape, or form, wasn’t productive or healthy for myself. That’s why I plan my days and weeks now around my recovery and not my recovery around my days and weeks. That’s why I always know where I’m going to be on most days, specifically when it comes to recovery meetings, or sponsee appointments, and the like. That’s why I always do a number of spiritual activities such as meditation and prayer each and every day without fail. And that’s why I have a week-by-week breakdown these days of the work I do with each of my sponsees as well.
So while my structured approach to recovery may not work for everyone, including those seeking sponsorship, it has worked for me, to keep me sane, sober, healthy, and spiritually centered for years. In all honesty, I think I prefer this life a lot better than the one where I was just like that restless canine seeking “treats” or “things to interest myself” on a constant basis. I never had much of a great recovery when I did. Thus I’m very grateful for my structured recovery today and for each person I sponsor who ends up discovering a structured recovery is far better than an unstructured one…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
One of the truest statements in that blue book is this: “We alcoholics are undisciplined people.”
I was told early-on that the word “spiritual” contained within it the word “ritual.” Now, some people find “ritual” to be the mindless repetition of words or actions. *I* find rituals to be sets of words and actions which brings structure and meaning to life.
I find it fascinating that people who have no problem at all checking their Facebook status 20-times-daily are the same ones who say, “Why do I have to call my sponsor every single day? It is such a drag…”
Bottom line: what is important to me is what gets my time. I was told very early: if recovery isn’t important to me, the universe would gladly refund my misery with interest.
And, as I often tell people, “IF you want what I have, and IF you’re willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you’re ready to take certain steps. If either of those statements are not true, then feel free to go to Burger King and ‘have it your way.’ “
Wow, I love the FB reference. It’s true, people don’t want to take the simple measures for their recovery, yet they are willing to make sure they do what’s necessary to get on FB, to smoke their cigarette, drink their red bull, etc. Thanks for the last quote…very fitting!