Have you ever felt like you were chasing after someone’s friendship? I know I have, too many times in fact, and unfortunately I allowed myself to go through it yet again just recently. But thankfully, the pain has finally become great enough to make sure it never happens again.
So what do I mean by chasing someone’s friendship? What does that look like when it‘s happening? These are two questions you may be asking yourself right now. I’ve been able to identify a bunch of the signs that indicate when this might be occurring, since I’ve obviously gone through it enough now. The following is a list of just some of them I’ve observed from my own behaviors, but I’m sure there are plenty more:
- Phone calls never being returned.
- Phone calls being returned days or even weeks later.
- Conversations on the phone being mostly about them.
- Getting little to no time in person with them.
- Constantly hearing how busy their life is.
- Getting their voicemail more than not.
- Them not being willing to make plans for something down the road.
- Them waiting until the last minute to solidify plans.
- Other things coming up at the last minute that prevents them from keeping plans.
- Rarely or never being invited to spend time at their home.
- Rarely or never being invited to be a part of their plans.
- Inviting them to something only to show up for a very brief amount of time.
- Having them spend time with me as long as I’m paying.
- Them having the money to hang out only when it’s something they want to do.
There is a simple reason why I’ve put up with these types of behaviors again and again and why I’ve ever chased after friendships in the first place. It’s truly about my lack of having them when growing up. Back then I had such a low self-esteem I just accepted what I got out of someone I thought was a friend, regardless of how little it actually was. In doing so, I was always treated poorly and deserved much better. While my life was once riddled with vast numbers of people who I allowed to do this to me, the occurrence of it has all but almost disappeared. I think that’s because I have a mantra (affirmation) that I’ve been saying each and every day now for years and it goes like this:
“I love and accept myself unconditionally, I deserve love and respect, and I accept nothing less.”
It’s because of this mantra and all my spiritual growth that I clearly see now I truly do deserve far better than what I was getting in any of those friendships I chased, including the one I regressed slightly with recently.
So the bottom line is this. Don’t chase after someone’s friendship because you really do deserve so much more than this. Try devoting that energy to someone else who’s willing to put forth a lot more effort, because in the long run you’ll be much happier. And in all honesty, believe in that age old adage when I say it’s their loss…not yours…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Aren’t you putting conditions on your friendship when you won’t accept nothing less of what you deserve? Just something to ponder is all, not really disagreeing with you just wanting you to ponder it is all. Time will tell in all areas of our lives one way or another.
Some may think that by the mantra’s wording. My truth is this. I never thought I deserved love and respect. I used to let everyone walk all over me. I spent more time doing everything I could to please my friends than to have any kindness come from them. When I stopped doing all that I did for my friends, I saw it was only one sided. And thus, I needed an affirmation to counteract the programming within me that had me allowing friends in my life who took advantage of me and were only one-sided. Not sure if that makes sense.