You would think that being in an exotic locale, having come from subzero temperatures, would have lifted my soul and catapulted me into a state of bliss upon arrival in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico for my annual vacation. But it didn’t, mostly because upon that arrival, the health issues I’ve been facing quite severely in recent months didn’t subside one bit, at least not that I could tell. The only solution I knew of for this onset frustration was one I learned in recovery and that was to practice acceptance, except it took a couple of negative-filled vacation days for me to get there.
To be perfectly frank, it’s one thing to be in one’s own home dealing with health issues, but it’s another thing altogether to be away on vacation still having to deal with them, especially when I spend a large amount of money for it. You see I can withdraw much easier from the world into the safe confines of my own when I’m having really difficult days with pain. But the idea of spending a bunch of money and having to deal with those kinds of high pain-filled days amongst countless other vacationers isn’t as easy for me.
I realized this almost immediately after checking in at the resort, because I found myself getting irritated at the slightest of things. First it was with the man behind the front desk who didn’t have any knowledge of the room we had reserved. Then it was with the room I was in because my balcony didn’t have a full panoramic view of the entire beach and ocean. Later it was due to the throngs of people that were around me at the pool. And as the evening was coming to a close, I even got irritated at all those in the buffet line I had to wait on.
My irritability continued into the second day where I most definitely still wasn’t practicing acceptance or having much gratitude at all. I complained about the lack of swimming area in the ocean in front of the resort, was bothered by the amount of seaweed present there as well, and even scoffed at the resort’s huge swimming pool for various reasons. As my health issues continued to plague and frustrate me, I began to recognize how I wasn’t having much of an appreciation for anything. That’s when I decided I needed to get to an AA meeting and fast, which thankfully one was taking place at a local English-speaking clubhouse at 5:30pm.
I’m actually not sure why getting to a meeting helped, but it did. Maybe going to one was the first part of practicing acceptance. Regardless, by the time the meeting ended, I felt much better, at least on a mental and emotional level and decided I needed to do exactly as the AA acceptance prayer said:
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”
So I did exactly that. I started to accept my health issues as being exactly the way it was supposed to be at that moment and began to concentrate more on changing my attitude and having more gratitude. While that didn’t necessarily take away the pain levels I’ve been going through quite a bit in recent months, it did take away a huge chunk of that negative outlook I was initially having on my vacation, which allowed for plenty of enjoyable experiences to come.
It seems as if acceptance truly was the answer to finding a little peace and serenity during my vacation in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
After we talked about this earlier I started to think of why you and your other got that type of brutal response from an obvious hateful and ignorant individual, it was God yet again. He/She/it was testing your metal yet again. I know it seems awful how a times these tests come when we are attempting to simply be at peace, but if and when we truly live in the Grace of God, those tests come whenever the Divine feels it is relevant. Because you went through this AND are a writer you have a better understanding and awareness of the hate we deal with. I am proud of you both that you are still filled with love not only for one another but God Almighty.
Jennifer, it’s true, trying to remain filled with love in the midst of hate, is definitely a spiritual test. Having gone through so many years of pain on so many levels has molded me into a person with a much greater capacity for compassion, love, and understanding. I look forward to you reading my recap of my vacation when you see Part 6 because that’s the one that talks specifically to the incident of anti-homosexuality that you are speaking of in your comments. Thanks for taking the time to share your heart here Jennifer.