I have the tendency to believe that every single human being on this planet has control issues of some sort with some being worse with it than others. Many of those in recovery from addictions like myself have discovered through the 12 Steps just how controlling we’ve been, which was usually more than not. But I’ve come to understand on my spiritual journey in life that I need to part ways with that aspect of myself if my goal is to live a life of peace, love, light, and joy.
Parting ways with my control issues has not been an easy process. Most of my attempts to take charge of everything or everyone around me began long before I ever picked up my first addiction, which was alcohol. By the time I found recovery over a decade after getting clean and sober, most of my control issues were so deeply ingrained in my daily behaviors that I wasn’t even aware of them. Over time in practicing the 12 Steps, I began to realize that every one of my attempts to continue controlling anything or anybody was going in the exact opposite direction from the underlying intention of the steps, especially the 3rd one.
For those who may not be familiar with the 3rd Step, it’s generally written as “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power as we understood our Higher Power.” But anytime I’ve ever attempted to control someone or something, I wasn’t turning my will or my life over to anything but myself. What’s even more interesting is what I found happened the more I continued to exert that control.
Take for example a person I met a good number of years ago now who’s no longer a part of my life. As my connection developed with them, they allowed me to exercise my control over them in most aspects of their life. Eventually, this person became just like me in so many ways and guess what, I couldn’t stand the sight of them by then because ultimately I was really just taking a look at myself at who I had become. In other words my control issues had morphed this person into nothing more than a mirror image of myself, which I didn’t like very much back then.
The beauty of the 12 steps though, especially the 3rd one, can help to change this. It is amazing to see how wonderful life can be when one’s Higher Power is running the show, instead of their control. This is what I’ve been working towards diligently for the past couple of years now, but I’m far from perfect with it yet. I still have my moments where I find myself trying to take charge of things I have no business taking charge of. In fact I did it just recently in abundance with someone I know from the recovery rooms where the only result was them getting angry with me and hanging up the phone in the middle of our conversation.
I don’t blame them for their action because it’s things like this that not only bring me greater humility in life, but are also very important reminders of how I still have more work to do on letting go of my control issues and turning my will and life over to the care of my Higher Power. And I know now that the more I do this, the more I will find myself maintaining that goal of living my life with peace, love, light, and joy…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson