Month: April 2015

My Higher Power’s Gentle Reminders

Have you ever felt like no one could feel as worse as you do and then suddenly have someone’s more serious misfortune grab your attention? My Higher Power seems to be giving me these gentle reminders quite a bit lately, one of which happened on a Sunday morning just about two weeks ago now.

I was at an AA conference and had just finished my breakfast when the final speaker was about to take the podium. While my body was undeniably present in a seat facing where they soon would be speaking, my mind was off elsewhere feeling sad and completely frustrated over the state of my health. One of my table companions (and friend) noticed my frown and asked if I was ok. I really wasn’t much in the mood to talk so I responded by simply saying my back was hurting a lot, although it was definitely more than that. Most of the time when I’ve been hurting that bad, I’ve remained silent solely to not outwardly express any negativity.

As my mind continued to spin in circles due to my health issues, the speaker finally took the stage and appeared to be a woman in her early 40’s. She began by speaking of being physically and sexually abused as a child and then talked about her addiction-riddled years and the insanity that happened during them. But what started to grab my attention was when she mentioned what took place in the past decade of her life.

First she was diagnosed with spinal cancer and found healing, then Leukemia and battled that one successfully as well. In the midst of those difficult years, she mentioned how she even pondered relapsing back into drugs more than once but never did. She said that was only because of her constantly sharing about it with others just like she was doing with all of us there. But it was what she said next that I truly feel was one of those gentle reminders coming from my Higher Power.

Just last year she was diagnosed with a very rare form of cervical cancer and by the time it was caught it had spread to her lymph nodes. And as she stood there on the stage fighting back tears telling everyone all this, she said her doctor very recently had given her only four months to live. At this point the only thing that could be heard in the room around me was everyone trying to stifle their sniffles and tears. And it was then that I knew I really needed to be more grateful with the state of my life, except in all honesty, it took me the rest of the day to get there.

Sometimes it takes me a little while to see things more clearly, especially when my body is ailing so poorly like it’s been so much lately. But what I realized that evening when I got home and had time to reflect was that this woman was ailing far more in her health issues than I was, and most likely wouldn’t be coming back from it compared to how I will be from mine. Thus I’m very grateful to my Higher Power for helping me to see gentle reminders such as this.

So as I end this article I pray to you God to shower this incredible speaker with peace, love, light, and joy in whatever her remaining days end up being here on Earth. As for me God, well, please forgive me for all those moments when I’ve thought I have it so bad in my own health issues. And please do keep on sending me those gentle reminders throughout my life should I at any point allow any of my perceived misfortunes to take me down an ungrateful path…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Peace, Love, Light, And Joy”

I may not be the person I see myself truly becoming one day yet, nor do I see myself as that hurt and fractured little boy anymore either. What I do see myself as right now though, is someone who’s determined to be filled with as much peace, love, light, and joy as humanly possible. That’s why I end each and every entry in this blog in the same way, with those four words.

Peace is because so much of this world is at war with each other and within themselves. I spent a good majority of my life being in constant conflict with so many others and myself, until it made me sick on every level. Now I do my best to have inner peace no matter what’s going on in or around me. It’s tough sometimes, but most definitely necessary, especially since I live in a world where people continue to go to war and create nothing but more chaos.

Love is because so much of this world is consumed with hate towards each other and themselves. I spent a good majority of my life being filled with so much hatred towards those who I felt wronged me and towards myself due to all the unhealthy things I kept doing, until it made me sick on every level. Now I do my best to love all others and myself unconditionally, even when hate is thrown on my doorstep or when I make an unhealthy error in haste. It’s tough sometimes, but most definitely necessary, especially since I live in a world where people continue to fuel it with more and more hate.

Light is because so much of this world is still consumed in darkness, either by living in it or creating more of it. I spent a good majority of my life immersing myself in that darkness through various addictions and toxic behaviors, until it made me sick on every level. Now I do my best to remain clean and sober from all of them on a daily basis and be more of a beacon of light for those still sick and suffering, even when darkness keeps on trying to tempt and beckon me back into its icy grips. It’s tough sometimes, but most definitely necessarily, especially since I live in a world where people continue to remain in darkness thinking it’s their only choice.

Joy is because so much of this world is still consumed with sadness about so many things, both internally and externally. I spent a good majority of my life remaining sad about plenty that happened like my father’s suicide, my mother’s tragic drunken fall down the stairs, or events like 9/11, until it made me sick on every level. Now I do my best to constantly purge myself and let go of any past or present sadness I find in or around me and replace it with joy knowing that each has only made me spiritually stronger. It’s tough sometimes, but most definitely necessarily, especially since I live in a world where people continue to hold onto sadness like it’s their best friend.

So hopefully now you have a little better understanding of why I end each of my daily blog entries with the words “Peace, Love, Light, and Joy” because I’m sure you would agree that our world most definitely needs a lot more of each of these things…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson