Giving a lead in a 12-Step recovery meeting is daunting enough, especially early on in one’s sobriety, but doing so when going through those incredible storm-filled times in life is something much harder. I should know, as I was asked by someone to do a lead recently and it happened to fall on a particular day when my pain and anguish from the health issues I’ve been enduring was through the roof.
I can honestly say when that day came upon me to do that lead, I really wanted to call and cancel. I very much wanted to ask my friend to find someone else to speak. I thought to myself, what good am I going to offer anyone in the state I’m in? Yet then I heard that small voice deep down inside me, which I choose to believe was the Holy Spirit, that part of God that lives within me. It reminded me first of what my original sponsor in recovery once told me and that was we do our work in recovery when we want to and even when we don’t. And I definitely didn’t feel like doing my recovery work in this case. But then that small voice said something that I knew I absolutely needed to listen to.
Call upon Me and ask for help and I will guide you through it…
So I did just that. I prayed that morning, afternoon, and just before I did my lead, asking for help and the strength to get me through the next 45 minutes I was to stand at that podium. And something happened that evening I felt was beyond amazing while I stood there in front of close to 60 people. I was able to remain in my heart, have tears well up in my eyes, and feel more passionate about the God of my understanding, my recovery program, and where I’m at in my life, more so than any other lead I’ve done in recent times.
Shedding tears in front of a bunch of strangers is something I’ve never really allowed myself to do. But in this case, I felt safe and more in touch with not only my heart, but also all the hearts of those in the room before me. And when I was finally done speaking, I not only felt a great sense of relief, I also felt a true sense of peace. Peace that I knew somehow that God had done for me what I couldn’t have done for myself that evening.
I’m so grateful to my Higher Power for helping me find my heart during this lead and for giving me the strength to do something I know I wouldn’t have done if I had left it up to my ego and my pain-filled thinking. So thank you God for opening my heart at a time I most needed it to become open…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson