I recently had a conversation with someone over the phone where I opened up by the end of it and cried a little about much of what I’ve been going through lately in life. And when it came time to end that call, I told them I loved them, solely because of the heart connection I had made, but unfortunately they didn’t say it in return.
This is definitely one of the greater challenges I frequently face in life, especially when it comes to connecting with others, as I often have the tendency to open up with people far more than they do with me. I also often have the tendency to shed tears and feel closer with people far more than they ever do with me.
Much of the reason why I am this way has to do with the amount of pain and suffering I’ve gone through in life and subsequently have had to work through. Losing my mother and father to tragic deaths, being molested, succumbing to so many addictions, facing financial ruin, experiencing terrible break-ups, and having to endure a vast amount of health issues has each led me to do an incredible amount of work on myself to heal from it all. In turn, my heart has become more and more open because of it. Yet, I’ve come to realize that most others I meet seem to be far more guarded with their own heart.
What makes this difficult is not knowing whether someone truly cares about me or not the more I share my heart with them. Some have said that when I receive a call from a person, that it should be enough to show they care, but I’ve always struggled with that probably because I receive calls all the time from so many people in recovery. But knowing someone truly cares about me doesn’t necessarily have to come through saying those words “I love you too”. There are other ways I’ve discovered I can feel when a person does.
Sometimes it’s come when I’ve heard a person open up about a part of their lives that’s painful to them. Other times it’s come when an individual has discussed a situation they’re going through and asked for my help or guidance with it. There’s also been some moments when a person has actually broken down and cried during a conversation I’m having with them. And of course there have even been those times when someone suddenly has reached out and clasped my hand or offered me a hug.
While these are just some of the ways I’ve had to read in between the lines, as to whether someone cares about me or not, I know there are plenty of other ways as well that love can be shown without having to say those four words. But what does one do when they don’t see any of those signs with a person they’ve already opened your heart up to? That, I think, is when it takes the strength of something greater than themselves.
Sadly, when I’ve been hard pressed to really see whether a person cares about me, I’ve frequently chosen to not go to my Higher Power and instead put them on the defensive and demanded they show it to me. Well guess what? Doing so has only ever caused their heart to become even more closed to me. Even worse, it has at times also become a permanent effect within them towards me.
So the only conclusion I have when someone is unable to say the words “I love you too” and is also not very good at showing it in any other ways either is to ask my Higher Power for the strength to remain patient with them and to keep on doing my best to love them as I do. Because there’s a good chance that in continuing to do this, that one day they will feel safe enough to do the same. And as long as they aren’t purposely hurting me in any way, I truly believe this is what my Higher Power would want of me anyway…
Peace, love, light, and joy
Andrew Arthur Dawson
