Each of us move along our spiritual journey at our own pace. Unfortunately, when codependency or some other type of addiction gets involved, we sometimes end up making decisions to do things sooner than our spirit is actually ready for them. In my case, I did this very thing many years ago when I allowed someone I was lusting after to convince me to go on something called The Cursillo Retreat.
Cursillo is an apostolic movement of the Roman Catholic Church and is a three-day retreat where the major emphasis is on developing a relationship with Christ. Overall the weekend involves spiritual talks, group discussion, food, and fun, but mainly it really just works to blossom one’s spiritual growth in life. And it’s not necessarily geared for Catholics only either, as plenty of people from other religions and spiritualties have experienced the retreat and gained a wonderful sense of peace because of it. But sadly, this didn’t happen for me, but that was only because I went on the weekend due to behaviors stemming from my own codependency and sex and love addiction.
During the actual time period when I first became aware of Cursillo, I was actively sleeping with a married individual and pursuing the same with someone else already in a relationship as well. When the latter informed me of how much they felt it would change my life and even draw the two of us closer, I wasn’t thinking about going on it for my spiritual growth. Instead, I was thinking more about my disease and what it might get me with this person if I actually went on the retreat.
And so I did. I went on the retreat and even at some point during it, broke down and confessed much of my transgressions that I was still actively engaging in, both to others on the retreat, and even privately with a priest. Yet, as soon as I left that retreat, I immediately went back to sleeping with that married individual and pursuing even harder the friend who had motivated me to going on it.
The fact is, serious addicts like I was during this period of my life, will do anything to get their fix. For me, it was doing things like going on retreats just like this and I constantly changed my goals in life to meet my toxic behaviors, rather than do what a healthy person normally does, which is change their behaviors to meet their goals.
So while I didn’t receive the spiritual benefits so many usually get out of the Cursillo retreat, I did learn a very valuable lesson many years later because of my participation in it. Addictions truly spoil many wonderful experiences in life that God tries to bless us with. But thankfully, I’m not letting any addictions or others influence me anymore in my spiritual growth and I’m excited for when God tells me it’s time for my next retreat. J
Peace, love, light, and joy
Andrew Arthur Dawson