Month: March 2016

“Euphoric recall” is a psychological term for the tendency of people to remember past experiences in a positive light, while overlooking the negative experiences that were associated with those events.  It’s also a term that many people know quite well in the recovery world from addiction, especially me.

Most of us there have at times found how easy it was to forget about all the bad things that happened to us in the past with something that also gave us a good amount of pleasure at one point or another. Take for example my former drinking and drugging days. I had plenty of moments during all those years when the buzzes and highs only complimented my life. But eventually the addictions to those substances took over and caused a large amount of destruction to my life. Once I found sobriety from both though and the sober years began to accumulate, I started to forget about how bad it really got during those days when I drank and drugged. Because of that, it’s occasionally caused me to feel tempted from time to time to return to them. Thankfully though I haven’t and much of that is in part due to my regular attendance to AA meetings, as there I hear plenty of horror stories that bring me back to much of my own from back in the day. This is probably why I don’t find myself doing much euphoric recall anymore when it comes to the life I once had with alcohol and drugs.

Unfortunately, I can’t say that’s the case though for my recovery in the sex and love addiction realm. Maybe that’s because I allowed that addiction to be in charge of my life for far longer than alcohol and drugs ever was. Or maybe it’s because sexuality is such an innate part of each of us. Regardless, I find myself at times remembering former sexual behaviors with greater fondness than they truly deserve. Just the other day in fact I thought of someone for a few moments who I used to hook up with every now and then. And while we might have had some great times here and there doing that, there was also a lot of things about that connection that never felt too good, except I find I have to think far harder to remember them.

The truth is, I was able to experience some pretty great highs at various times and even numb a lot of my pain for extended periods when engaging in the sex and love addiction. I’m sure that’s ultimately what has led me from time to time to totally forget about the destruction this disease gave me in the long run, like all the abuse I endured from it, like all the neglect I gave my mind and body from it, like all the dirtiness I felt inside from it, like all the money I threw away because of it, and like all the distance I placed between myself and God because of it.

So while I haven’t been overly tempted to engage in euphoric recall in my recovery from alcohol and drugs, the challenge has been far greater in my recovery from sex and love addiction. This is why I have had to remain extremely vigilant in writing articles about this addiction and it’s why I continue to go regularly to SAA and SLAA meetings. I don’t ever want to forget that my path ended at a mental hospital after I attempted suicide in my last bout with this addiction.

Thank God I’m not in that place with this addiction anymore. And thank God this addiction is not in charge of me like it used to be. But I also know that at any point in time it could be if I ceased doing my recovery efforts, especially with what I do everyday to cultivate my relationship with God. After all, if it wasn’t for God’s work and guidance in my life, I’d probably be giving in to that euphoric recall and returning to that darkness from where I once lived.

The fact is I’m not living in that darkness anymore and I’m doing everything I can to remain in the light instead. And I most definitely wish to remain there, but to do so, I must always remember one thing. While all of my former addictions to various people, places, and things might have had their highs and good times at one point or another, they also constantly led me into total despair, chaos, and misery. That’s why euphoric recall is always dangerous to dabble in, especially for those like me who are in recovery from one or more addictions…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Sometimes I see people in 12 Step meetings who have many years of sobriety demonstrate behaviors that make me really question their recovery program. This actually happened just recently in fact when I was at my Sunday night AA home group. There I observed someone who just celebrated a double digit anniversary do things that were quite rude.

I initially noticed it while I was sharing on the topic at hand. As I did so, I saw them on the other side of the room scoff at what I was saying and then proceed to share their irritation with the person next to them. For the remainder of the time I spoke, they then closed their eyes and turned their head away from me as if to show what I had to say wasn’t that important to them.

At first I wondered if what I said had been inappropriate for an AA meeting. But as others continued to share similar experiences, strengths, and hopes after me, I saw how this person’s negative behaviors only grew more visible. At one point, they even muttered a swear loud enough for everyone to hear in the room to show how much they were displeased with what was being said.

But ironically, the topic that night was quite relevant to a number of people there including myself, as it was all about the challenges that can arise within one’s sobriety. When someone there mentioned they faced some of that on a recent cruise, that was precisely the moment when I saw this other person start becoming extremely restless, irritable, and discontent. And as others kept sharing on the same subject, their adverse reactions became even more exacerbated. When the meeting finally came to a close a little later, I could tell they were extremely frustrated. How could I tell? Well it ended with them snapping at someone else because the prayer circle was not coming together in the way they thought it should.

In all honesty, I really wanted to approach this person after that and ask them if they were aware how disruptive and rude their behaviors were, but I’ve come to learn that engaging someone like this only creates more stress. Instead, I spoke with someone else who’s been providing guidance for my recovery and through them I came to understand how this person has always been this way and caused similar irritation to plenty of others.

So instead of any confrontation, I did the thing that I knew my Higher Power would have wanted from the very start and that was to pray for them. And pray I did. I prayed for love, forgiveness, and peace for this person until I no longer felt bothered by the situation. And what remained in me after that was a sense of sadness. Sadness in the realization that they were only a mirror for how I once was, judging everyone negatively in meetings, while I maintained the belief of how great my program was when in fact it wasn’t that great at all. Even though I had double digit sobriety during that period of time, I was still very sick.

The bottom line is that it really doesn’t matter how much time someone has in sobriety. It’s one day at a time and just because someone has long term sobriety, it doesn’t mean they have a great program. Often people allow their ego’s to convince them the longer they remain sober, the better their recovery becomes just like I once did. The truth is that recovery is so much more than the length one has sober. It involves a lot of work, including respecting everyone in recovery no matter where they’re at in it or what they share about. I’m grateful though for seeing this mirror into my past by simply observing this person’s behaviors last Sunday, as I can clearly see how much I’ve grown. Hopefully one day this person will see that mirror for themselves, but until then, I’m going to focus more on cultivating my own recovery by continuing to pray for them…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson