Month: May 2016

“We Are Not A Glum Lot…”

“We are not a glum lot…” These words were written by Bill Wilson in the Alcoholics Anonymous book and refer to the notion that people in recovery do have fun. Quite often people come into the rooms of recovery and think, “How can I possibly remain clean and sober from alcohol and drugs and still have fun in life?” The truth is they can, but it takes work to allow themselves to see that they can.

Early on in recovery though, an addict’s mind struggles to conceive how they can possibly enjoy barbecues, parties, weddings, concerts, vacations, etc., without any booze or pills. Yet there are plenty of people out there who have remained clean and sober for long periods of time who have done just that. The truth is, none of us in recovery would probably have stuck around if everyone in the rooms were miserable.

In my case though, it took me far longer to learn how to have fun in recovery because I continued to live in other addictions, thinking they were the only way I could enjoy my life. What this translated into was me caffeinating myself up a lot, or hanging around people I was attracted to and/or chasing after, or gambling a bunch, and buying a lot of things for myself on a regular basis, believing they were the only way sobriety from alcohol and drugs could be enjoyed.

Thankfully I’ve moved away from that illusion some four years ago and gave up all of that sickness. In doing so, I had to relearn from a much healthier perspective how to have fun in recovery again because the fun I was having before was only addictive-based.

I must admit, it’s been difficult for me at times because my brain has been so used to almost three decades of indulging in one addictive pleasure after another. But what I’ve found lately is that I can have fun just hanging around with a few people and having a coffee, or playing some cards (and not for money), or sitting in a park simply to enjoy nature, or just taking a random drive somewhere, like I did today with my partner when we went to Grand Rapids, Ohio and had a nice lunch and walked along the canal. Not too long ago though, I would have most likely gotten some heavy expresso drink, eaten a bunch of chocolate, and occasionally looked at porn on my phone to enjoy a day like today. Thankfully that’s not the case anymore. Now I’ve learned I don’t have to do things like that in recovery to have fun, which is what most others in recovery have learned along the way as well.

We truly aren’t a glum lot because we’ve all learned over time that happiness never came from the substances of our addiction. In fact, more than not, those substances only brought us pain. Yet in recovery, we’ve discovered how to be content without those substances and enjoy living life on life’s terms. Whether that comes through dinners out with friends, trips to movies, going on retreats, game nights, and so much more, those of us in recovery are not glum at all, especially if we are doing our work to continue growing spiritually.

So if you think the idea of never having alcohol or drugs again seems rather drab and dull, realize that’s not the case for most of us who have been around for a while on the sober track. But to grasp this concept for yourself, it will take you time, it will take work, and in the end you too will see that we truly aren’t a glum lot, not one bit…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Sexual Immorality”

“Sexual Immorality”. These two words are frequently written in a number of religious books in our world, but the one that has affected me the most has been the Bible. While the words themselves actually mean carnal wickedness or debauchery, the Bible continues to be interpreted by so many in saying it also refers to what two gay people do with each other in a bedroom, even when they’re in love with each other.

What I find so frustrating about this first and foremost is the number of people who become disillusioned with God over this. Take what happened to me some six years ago when I approached a church’s pastor in the Boston area and said I’d like to join because I truly felt the spirit moving in me there. Instead of saying it would be great to see me as a member of his church, he went into a long discourse about the “sexual immorality” I was living in and that I couldn’t join his congregation because of it. Recently I experienced something quite similar with a neighbor down the street and after leaving his presence, I felt completely unloved and unaccepted by God. Yet, I know that wasn’t God because I fully believe what God offers is nothing but unconditional love and that definitely wasn’t that, not with him and not with that pastor.

What most people don’t know, because they don’t do much biblical research, is that 2000 years ago, there was a lot of sexual fornication going on, such as orgies, domination, bestiality and the like. A good example is how many invading troops would come in to an area and force the women and men there to have sex with them. To me that’s truly what the Bible was referring to when it talked about “sexual immorality”. So why is it that it’s mostly being defined today as referring to homosexuality? And why would God bring so many homosexuals here on this planet if that’s truly what this was referring to?

I recently read a statistic that said it is estimated that 25 percent of the world’s population is gay, which means that close to two billion people identify themselves in this way. So are we saying then that God didn’t make these people in this way? Are we saying that they are just choosing that? If so, why would anyone choose to be this way with all the religious persecution being thrown their way still to this day?

If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be gay, that’s for sure. But from the age of 5, I remember staring at guys and being more interested in them, then a girl. So was I meant to deceive a woman in my life, pretending to be happy, thus making the relationship miserable? Or was I, along with a billion other people, meant to come here and just be celibate for life?

I can’t imagine that God would want either. I also can’t imagine that something happened to me before the age of five that made me gay. Ultimately though I must say that there were former moments of my life when my sexual behaviors were immoral such as when I was in orgy rooms, or sleeping with married men, or having different partners every weekend, or leading people on all for the sake of having sex.

But I’m not doing any of that now. I am with a man who I love with all my heart, mind, and soul, and am doing the best I can to unconditionally love them as I believe Christ would and I can’t fathom that God would deem that as being sexually immoral. By the way, speaking of Christ, not once in the Bible, anywhere, does Christ ever condemn a gay relationship or say two men being with each other is immoral.

So if loving my same-sex partner is somehow against what God intended for me and countless other gay couples, it simply doesn’t make any sense. Because if God is nothing but unconditional love, then I absolutely believe that God would be 100% happy with us settling into a relationship with one person whom we love dearly, even if it is of the same sex.

Regardless, I want to make mention of one other thing that relates to this subject before I finish todays entry. There were plenty of other laws thousands of years ago that were written in the bible, that no one ever seems to pay attention to when they come across them. For example, did you know that it says anyone who curses their mother or father was supposed to be killed. That very verse is listed right next to one of the most notorious passages used against gay people. And if one argues that incongruences like this only come in the Old Testament, then realize that in the New Testatment there’s only person who ever mentions anything about men being with men and that’s Paul.

Paul was always a deeply conflicted person, having once himself be the very person who condemned so many. None of us have any idea what tormented Paul from within. Did Paul have some guilt inside himself that related to homosexuality? Was Paul biased on this subject for some deeper reason that he never spoke about? Did any of this cause Paul to slant his words from more of a human perspective versus a God-based one? I don’t have the answers to any of these questions and sure, they are purely speculation. But the fact remains that none of us were alive 2000 years ago to know what Paul struggled with or what he really meant by what he said.

Thus I tend to believe the words “Sexual Immorality” have become the thing countless religious people grasp onto these days, solely to point the finger at what they feel is wrong in the world instead of looking at themselves and realizing that their judgment is what’s making the world the unloving place it is. And while it may be true that there are plenty of gay people out there who still engage in sexually immoral acts like I once did, there are many others who also desire nothing more than having a beautiful monogamous union with another soul like I do now, which is precisely why I can’t for the life of me, ever choose to believe that an unconditionally loving God would deem the latter as being sexually immoral as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson