Recently, someone very dear to me asked that I grant them some space for a good chunk of time due to some things they were going through. I didn’t take the request very well at first and instead went into my head with all sorts of abandonment issues, self-pity, and doubt. But after some deep introspection, I realized there was a greater purpose that was meant to come out of this and it deals with breaking free of the last bit of codependency I seem to still have in life.
While much of my codependent ways have already been removed, there’s one specific area I have yet to work through and it deals with my connection to God. While this may seem a little strange to some, I’ve been overly reliant upon plenty of others throughout my life solely for the purpose of having them connect to God for me. Whether that’s been through a religious leader, a close friend, a spiritual teacher, a holistic guru, a psychic, or some other person that had strong ties and daily practices connecting to God, there’s always been at least someone in my life, at any given point in time who I’ve been consulting regularly with on what God’s will is for me.
The reality is that I want to be fully trusting and reliant upon my Higher Power, listening and responding to Their direct guidance versus always going to someone else for that reassurance. But sadly, the latter is what I’ve done for far too long, essentially going from one person to the next, asking if God has communicated anything to them about my specific spiritual journey. In regards to the person who asked for some time and space to work through some of their own stuff is an example of just one of many over the years I constantly asked for that reassurance.
But now I realize it’s time for me to finally stand on my own two feet and learn to spread my wings and fly from that nest once and for all. I know this is a critical stage in my spiritual growth and I know that remaining codependent on others to connect to God on my behalf is only going to impede that from happening.
Thus, while my ego may not be happy about having someone I love dearly ask for some space for a while from me, the fact remains that it’s actually a good and healthy thing for my spiritual growth. While I know this is a serious challenge for my ego, it’s a necessary action needed if I want to learn how to trust fully in God, as well as with my inner guidance.
So I accept that challenge. Because ultimately, I want to become fully trusting and reliant upon God in this life. I want to trust in that inner voice as well that connects me to God, but to get there, I know all of my codependent ways must be removed.
“God, this is a big step in my spiritual journey to grow closer to You, but one that I know is necessary nonetheless. So I pray that I don’t try to grasp onto yet another person to have them be the intercessor between You and me. Instead, I commit to finally taking a step I’ve avoided for all of my life. A step where I no longer rely upon another human being to intercede on my behalf to connect with You. Thus, I pray to become fully open to receiving the guidance and direction from You, instead of from others whom I’ve become codependent on to receive that. And while I know this goes against what my ego thinks and wants, I also know it’s necessary if I want to fully step into the Light. So I pray for the strength to achieve this. Thank You and Amen.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson