I’ve written many things about sponsorship in 12 Step Recovery programs over the past three years I’ve maintained this blog. I’ve spoken about the importance of having a sponsor, about the highs and lows of being a sponsor, and about many of the guidelines that come with the territory. But the one thing I haven’t discussed around this subject yet is what happens with the sponsor/sponsee relationship once all the 12 Step work is complete.
Probably the biggest reason why I haven’t spoken on this until now is that I just recently was able to complete the entire 12 Step work with a few people. But for years prior, I was only successful in bringing those I sponsored through the first few steps, as each always seemed to relapse and/or back away from the program altogether.
So now I’m in a little bit of uncharted territory and have already had one of those I worked with choose to move on to another sponsor. At first, I struggled with their decision, especially when they mentioned I was not the best fit for them anymore. But later I realized it was simply my ego getting in the way because ultimately, each of us who sponsor are really just teachers for a period of time to those we guide through the 12 Steps.
I, myself, have had many sponsors along the way on my road to recovery. Some lasted for a few years, while others only lasted for a few months. But each provided me valuable lessons and insights to propel me further onto my spiritual journey. Thus when a sponsee says they are looking for a new sponsor, it’s actually a good thing. Because what that truly means is that their spirit is looking to grow even further in their recovery. Which is why I saw how silly it was to take it personal when one of my sponsees chose to move on to someone else recently.
Who am I to say where God is leading them? If I had stuck with just one sponsor over the years, I would have missed out on so many valuable opportunities to grow!
The bottom line is that it’s a good thing for a sponsee to move on to another sponsor if they feel their inner guidance is leading them to do so. And to be perfectly honest, it can also be an important step to take when the 12 Step work isn’t complete if they feel they’re not getting anywhere in their recovery.
Regardless, there is no contract that keeps a sponsor and a sponsee together for years. And ultimately, it’s the person who’s recovering that’s in charge of their recovery and not their sponsor. Their sponsor is but a tool in the process. A tool to be used for the greater good of God and never for the greater good of one’s ego.
So as I head into new territory, having brought several through the entire 12 Step process now, I must say I’m grateful to my Higher Power to be learning a little bit more about my recovery. While it’s my hope that a life-long friendship may occur with each of those I’ve finished the 12 Step work with, as that’s been known to happen through the sponsorship process, there is one thing I know that will always remain and that’s a spiritual love I have in my heart for each of them. And that alone I think is truly priceless…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson