Silly Joke #1
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the husband’s examination, the doctor then said to him, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?””In fact, I do,” said the man. “After I have relations with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have relations with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.” “This is very interesting,” replied the doctor. “Let me do my examination with your wife and see if I can get to the root of this.” After examining the elderly wife next, the doctor said to her, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?” The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked, “Your husband had an unusual concern for me today. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having relations the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?” “Oh, that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!”
Silly Joke #2
A group of 40-year-old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also. 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean. 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator. 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
Silly Joke #3
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da..aaad”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
five minutes later: “Daa….aaad…”
“WHAT!?”
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?”
“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!”
Five minutes later..”Daaaa….aaaad! When you come up to spank me can you bring a drink of water?”
Bonus Silly Joke
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.The woman asked the gentlemen, “What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?” The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.” Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?” “No”, she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
