Silly Joke #1
An old man, a boy, and a donkey were traveling. The boy rode the donkey while the man walked. In the first town they went to, the people all said; “How hard for that old man who has to walk!” The two travelers heard this and decided that the boy should walk and the old man should ride. In the next town, people whispered, “What a shame, he makes the little boy walk!” So the pair decided that they should both ride. In the third town, people all muttered about how cruel it was to make the donkey work so hard. So the boy and the old man decided to carry the donkey. On the way to the next town, they had to go across a bridge. As they walked across it, they slipped and the donkey fell in to the river and drowned. So, the moral of the story is…if you try to please everyone, you will eventually end up losing your ass.
Silly Joke #2
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they were going to meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, “Son, do you have a last request?” To which the man replied, “Yes sir, I do. There is a song I would love for you to play. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?” “Certainly,” replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, “Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?” “Please,” begged the condemned man, “for the love of God, kill me first!”
Silly Joke #3
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.” “But I always get it here,” says the blonde. “Do you have the container it comes in?” “Yes!” said the blonde, “I’ll go home and get it.” She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.” The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”
Bonus Silly Joke (Warning: For Adults Only)
A young paratrooper went for his first jump from an airplane. Afterwards, he called his father to tell him the news. “We got in the plane, and the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane.” “Is that when you jumped?” asked the father. “Not yet. The sergeant started to grab the other men, one at a time, and throw them out the door. I was the last man left.” “Did you jump then?” asked the father. “No, I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. He said, “Boy, either you jump out that door, or I’m sticking this up your butt.'” “So, did you jump?” asked the father. “Well, a little, at first, but then I got used to it.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
