Silly Joke #1
Census Taker: ‘How many children do you have?’
Woman: ‘Four.’
Census Taker: ‘May I have their names, please?’
Woman: ‘Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.’
Census Taker: ‘Okay, that’s fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?’
Woman: ‘Because we didn’t want any Moe.’
Silly Joke #2
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation “Has anybody got a cock?” – all the men stood up. “No! Sorry!” he said “That wasn’t what I meant! Has anybody seen a cock?” – all the women stood up. “No! No! Sorry again!” he said “That wasn’t what I meant! Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?” – half the women stood up. “No! No! No! I’m so sorry!“ he said “That wasn’t what I meant either! Has anybody seen my cock?” – all the nuns stood up.
Silly Joke #3
It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple. One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job. He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn’t want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint. It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint. That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away. The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, “What shall I do?” Suddenly, a voice came back from the heavens saying, “Repaint, and thin no more!”
Bonus Silly Joke
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. “What size?” asks the clerk. “Gee, I don’t know.” “Go see Sophie in aisle 4.” He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, “Medium!” The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly. Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, “Large!” The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves. A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. “What size?” The kid embarrassedly says, “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what size.” The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells, “Clean up in aisle 4!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
