Silly Joke #1
A father scolded his son for being so unruly and the child decided to rebel against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, “I’m running away from home!!!” The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. “What if you get hungry?” he asked. “Then I’ll come home and eat,” bravely declared the child. “And what if you run out of money?” inquired the father. “Then I’ll come home and get some,” readily replied the child. The man then made a final attempt, “What if your clothes get dirty?” “Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them,” was the reply. The man shook his head and exclaimed to himself, “This kid isn’t running away from home, he’s going off to college!”
Silly Joke #2
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?” The guard replies, “They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.” “That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?” The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”
Silly Joke #3
A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. “This equipment must be broken!” he exclaimed. “I doubt it,” said the man, “Tonight I am the designated decoy!”
Bonus Silly Joke
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?” Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.” “What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector. “Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there,” answers Tom. “What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector. “Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.” “What if the phone was busy?” “In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station.” “What if that had been vandalized?” “Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo. This puzzled the inspector, so he asked “Why would you do that?” “Because he’s never seen a train crash!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
