Silly Joke #1
Little Johnny was in the store with his Dad when he suddenly walks by the section that has all the condoms for sale. “Dad, what are condoms used for?” Little Johnny asks innocently. “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one!” His father quickly responded.
Silly Joke #2
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, “Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?” All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, “No, I’ve come to inquire about a sex change operation and I’d like the same doctor that did yours!”
Silly Joke #3
Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up. “Brad, are you up yet?” asks Mike. Brad sleepily answers, “Yeah, but I’m only now starting my coffee.” “Brad, open the newspaper to page 31.” “Why, what’s in the paper?” “Brad, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!” “Ok, Ok, I’ve got the paper here, so what’s in page 31?” “Brad, open the paper to page 31 already!” “All right, don’t be such a pain so early in the morning already. So, what’s on page 31 that’s so important?” “Brad, look at the bottom of column 4.” “Why? What’s that story on?” “Brad, just read the story on the bottom of the column already!” “OK, OK, I’ll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!” The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues… Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks, “So Mike, where exactly are you calling me from right now?”
Bonus Silly Joke
As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, “Good morning, ladies,” and the novices replied, “Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you.” But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, “I think she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Mother Superior was surprised, but decided not to pursue it. Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years. They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, “I think she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant. Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face, “It looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Mother Superior was floored. “Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me.” Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye. “Oh dear, don’t take it personally. It’s just that you’re wearing Father Murphy’s slippers..”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
