Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another round of gratitude for this week’s Grateful Heart Monday, which for today is for Chadwick Boseman, an actor who I came to admire his talent and perseverance no matter what circumstances he faced in life.

As most know by now, Chadwick Boseman passed away in 2020 due to a very painful 4-year-long battle with colon cancer. But, throughout his painful circumstances, most would have never known the struggles he was facing, as he continued to act and star in a number of impressive films including Marshall, Avengers Infinity War and Endgame, 21 Bridges, Da 5 Bloods, and Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. What I came to appreciate the most about Boseman in watching all those movies was that he never gave up, or in, to his illness and throughout it all, he showed the world how incredible an actor he was.

While Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom was not necessarily my cup of tea for the type of movie I like to watch, his performance within it was electrifying and incredibly believable, so much so, that it earned him many acting awards for the role. I was so excited that one of them was an Academy Award nomination for playing the character Levee in the movie and had really hoped he’d take home the trophy on Oscar night posthumously. Sadly, he didn’t, but he most assuredly left his impressive mark upon Hollywood in his too-young-to-die 43-year-old life.

The first time I saw how dynamic of an actor Boseman was came in the film “42” where he played the role of baseball legend Jackie Robinson. It was such a memorable one for me that I, even 8 years later, remember vividly the story of Robinson and even bought the film for home viewing because of how well Boseman played him.

I always tell people the mark of a great actor or actress is when you no longer see the person playing the role they are playing and instead you feel like you are actually watching the person they are embodying in the film. Said in another way, it’s when a gifted actor or actress is able to lose themselves completely in the role they are playing. There are a number of great actors and actresses throughout movie history that come to mind who have done this quite well and have often been nominated for many acting awards because of it. Two modern day individuals who come to mind the quickest for me are Meryl Streep and Daniel Day-Lewis. Both built their resume up from one film to the next, getting better and better with each performance and I believe that Boseman would have eventually joined their ranks and been amongst the greats in acting history if he had remained alive.

That’s why I’m so sad that Boseman passed away tragically from a disease he wrestled with painfully for far too long. I am grateful though that even through it all he showed the world and especially me, just how amazing he was, both as an actor and as a human being with an incredible ability to persevere no matter what his circumstances were in life. You will be missed Chadwick and I dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to your life and how much it touched mine.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Love your family. Spend time, be kind, and serve one another. Make no room for regrets. Forgive and don’t hold onto resentments. Tomorrow is not promised and today is short.” (Unknown)

Quote #2

“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family” (Mother Teresa)

Quote #3

“Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.” (Lisa Weed)

Bonus Quote

“To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.” (Barbara Bush)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

I Often Wish I Had A Family…

I often wish I had a family. A big biological family with extended family beyond that. That kind of family with plenty of aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews and first cousins and such. I have many friends and even a partner who have much of that and while I’m grateful for them and the support and connection they continue to receive from those various family members of theirs, it’s left me feeling very alone in this world. Because beyond my sister and her family, individuals I haven’t had any connection with in the past few months, I have no other family to reach out to.

My father and mother were the only children of their parents and they passed away long ago when I was 25 and 33 respectively. My grandparents did have a few brothers and sisters who had kids but I never got to know any of them deeply when I was growing up and to this day have no real direct connection with any of them. In light of that, my current sponsor and others in the past have frequently told me I need to create my own family and I’ve tried. And tried. And tried. And repeatedly come up short.

Recently I came to realize just how difficult this is for me during an extended car ride home from Cleveland where my friends Mike and Frank were talking about how much love and support they have in this world. After an hour of hearing about their extended families and how many people care about them, I told them to please stop, as it was wrenching my heart incredibly.

Beyond my partner Chris of nine years who I live with and consider family of course and my best friend Cedric who lives in Massachusetts, I can’t say I have anyone else in my life who I’d consider “family”, someone who’d drop everything to come be there for me if I asked. I have a few good friends from former cities I once lived in who I know care about me from a distance, who I talk to from time to time, but that’s different.

A family member to me really is someone who is there for comfort, especially in times of great need, who enjoys seeing you regularly, and surrounds you with love and joy when they do. I don’t have that beyond Chris and Cedric and wish I did. Why this is may indeed be related to having lived in addictions for far too long, diseases that took me away from connecting to others. Or it may be because I’m weird and not most people’s cup of tea when it comes to someone they might grow deeply connected to and consider family one day. While I’ve often prayed that God would bring a new family into my life and have tried so many different avenues to bring that to fruition, that prayer has yet to be answered.

Some days this has led me to honestly wish I had been born straight, as I would have had a big family with many kids if I was, who hopefully would have had many kids themselves. Having grown up feeling alone with only my sister and I, two people who sadly fought like cats and dogs for most of our childhood years, I truly have deep compassion for those who may be reading this and feeling like they can relate.

How many of you wake up each day and wonder if you passed away, who really would show up at your funeral? Or if there would even be a funeral? And how many of you have wondered if anyone would really miss you in the long run once you were gone? I think these things daily and cry out to God in tears on most mornings on my knee’s bedside, begging Him for answers as to why my suffering and aloneness has been so great in this life.

Continuing to bear the brunt of the health issues I do, having such difficulties making deep friendships that could become “family”, having no biological family anymore to connect with, I’ve come to treasure those moments when Cedric and I talk and laugh like no days have passed since we last saw each other. I thank God for those moments and all the ones with Chris as well each time we take small road trips for a day and create new memories with each other. And I even treasure those small gifts in life like my cats jumping on top of me and calling me their family as they purr away and fall asleep on my lap. I am very thankful for those simple moments, especially on those days when I feel so very alone in this world.

That’s why I believe that having family is something to truly be thankful for, which is also why it bothers me when I hear individuals tell me they couldn’t care less about their family and harbor resentments towards them, unwilling to forgive and reconnect. Because family is something I may never have, but if one day I do, if one day I have a handful of people who truly are there for me, who would come from wherever they live if I called upon them and said I really needed them here, I will forever be grateful for it. That I can promise.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson