Silly Joke 1
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old nephew Little Johnny was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. “Wow,” the lady said, “I must have worn these when I was 185.” Little Johnny looked totally puzzled and then asked, “Wait, how old are you now then?!”
Silly Joke #2
It was three o’clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was nodding off accidentally, when a frantic little old lady came running towards her, screaming. “Please come to my room quickly,” she yelled, “I just saw a naked man outside my window!” The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady’s room. “Where is he?” asked the receptionist. “He’s over there,” replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. “It’s probably a man who’s getting ready to go to bed,” she said reassuringly. “And how do you know he’s naked anyway, you can only see him from the waist up?” “The dresser, honey!” screamed the old lady. “You get a much better view hone you stand on this dresser!”
Silly Joke #3
A husband comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. “Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands. “At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinals are gold!” The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story. “Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone. “Yes it is,” bartender answers. “Do you have huge golden doors?” “Sure do.” “Do you have golden floors?” “Most certainly do.” “What about golden urinals?” There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!”
Bonus Silly Joke
Tom did like he always did over the last thirty years of marriage, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. “What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? …… and who are you?” he asked. “This is not your bedroom,” the man replied, “I am St. Peter, and you are now in heaven.” “WHAT!!? I died in my sleep!? I don’t want to die yet!” said Tom. “Please send me back immediately!” “It’s not that easy”, said St. Peter, “As you can only return as a dog or a hen. Your choice.” Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog just too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can’t be that bad. “I’ll return as a hen.” Tom replied. In the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow …….. then along came the rooster. “Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm.” he said. “How does it feel?” “Well, it’s OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up.” “Oh that!” said the rooster. “That’s only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??Cluck twice, and then you push all you can.” Tom clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then ‘Plop’ and an egg was on the ground. “Wow” Tom said “that felt really good!” So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: “Tom, for Pete’s sake!!! Wake up … you’re crapping all over the bed again!!!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
