Silly Joke #1
At my granddaughter’s wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly married couple?” I said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.'” The DJ then looked at my husband and said, “What do you think?” He said, “She’s probably right.”
Silly Joke #2
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium — he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?” The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.” “Well, that’s really sad,” says Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?” “No,” the man replies, “they’re all at the funeral.”
Silly Joke #3
Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn’t find her attractive anymore. “The more I get older, the more he doesn’t bother to look at me much anymore!” Mary cries. “I’m so sorry for you. I can’t say the same because the older I get, the more my husband stares at me and says I get more beautiful every day.” replies Jane. Mary immediately exclaims, “Well of course! That’s because your husband’s an antique dealer!”
Bonus Silly Joke
Jane and Ted got married at only 18 years old and went on to have 7 children. When Ted died of heart disease, Jane married again, and she and Bob had 6 more children. When Bob died suddenly after being killed in a car accident Jane remarried again and this time had 5 more children. When Jane finally died, after having 18 children, standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.” Ethel leaned over and quietly asked Jane’s best friend, Margaret. “Margaret, do you think he means Jane’s 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?” Margaret said, “Actually, I think he means her legs, Ethel.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
