Silly Joke #1
A Veterinarian was feeling ill and had some skin rash all over, so she went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him, sounding very irritated, “Look, obviously I’m a doctor as well, being a veterinarian and all. I never need to ask my patients these kind of questions and can tell what’s wrong just by my examination.” She smugly added, “So, why can’t you?” The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, “Here you go. Of course, if this doesn’t work for you, we’ll just have to have you put to sleep.”
Silly Joke #2 (3 quick ones)
A co-worker asked me, “Could you be any more annoying?” So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.
A friend asked what parenting toddlers is like. So I hid her keys, head-butted her in the face, and then told her I love her more than the stars.
I decided to go by the house I grew up in the other day. When I got there I asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door in my face! Parents can be such jerks sometimes!
Silly Joke #3
The minister and his wife place an ad for a butler. Early the next morning a nicely dressed young man appears at their front door. The minister asks him, “Can you fix breakfast by 7:00 a.m. every day?” “Well … I guess I can.” “And can you make the beds, dust the living room, do the dishes, cut the grass, and polish the silver also?””Gee, Sir, I just came by to see about getting married. But if it’s going to be that much work, you can count me out!”
Bonus Silly Joke
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.” On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.” I rest my case. Time for another beer.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
