Silly Joke #1
One day many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us.” After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn’t matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. “Let’s call the boys Towards and Away,” suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as “Towards” and “Away”. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, “Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea.” They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three-month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman’s wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. “My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?” she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: ‘We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.” “Oh, my poor boy, that is just terrible!’ She said sobbing. ‘What a huge fish it must have been! What a horrible fish. What a horrible fish.’ ‘Yes, it was dear…’ said her husband. ‘But it didn’t even compare to the one that got Away!’”
Silly Joke #2
Phil and Bob went to a restaurant for dinner and both ordered steaks. As soon as the waiter brought out the two steaks, Phil quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Bob wasn’t happy about that. “When are you going to learn to be polite?” he said angrily. “Well, if you had the chance to pick first, which one would you have picked?” said Phil. “The smaller piece, of course!” responded Bob humbly. “Well that, what are you complaining about? The smaller piece is what you got, right?”, Phil said smiling ear to ear.
Silly Joke #3
When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle’s prized Amazon parrot. This parrot was fully grown — with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the very least, extremely rude. Bill tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music–anything he could think of to try and set a good example… Nothing worked. Exasperated, he yelled at the bird. But the bird just got louder. Then he shook the parrot. But the bird just got angrier and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bill put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming…Then, suddenly, all was quiet. Bill was frightened that he might have hurt his dead uncle’s prized parrot and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bill’s extended arm and said, “I am truly sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I humbly ask your forgiveness. I will now, from this day forth, endeavor to correct my behavior so that such an ill-perceived outburst never again occurs.” Bill was completely astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had caused such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “But I need to ask one thing, what did the chicken do?”
Bonus Silly Joke
A cub reporter for a small-town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor. “Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts.” The Editor scolded the new reporter, saying. “This is a family paper!!! We don’t use words like breasts around here!! Now go back and write something more appropriate!” The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally, he handed the Editor the following report. “Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( o )( o )”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
