Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Bob received a text one day from from his neighbor John. “I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and at church I was led to confess. I have been tapping your wife, for a long while now, every time you haven’t been home. I wasn’t getting it at home, but I know now that’s no excuse. I’ve been feeling so bad about it and have ended doing it. I hope you will accept this as my sincerest apology.” Bob, anguished and feeling betrayed, confronted his wife, and began having the worst fight of his marriage. He screamed he was leaving her because of her infidelity and shouted the worst of obscenities towards her. Suddenly, his phone beeped, it was a second text came from John, “Oh my, I’m so sorry Bob, I just realized my text message was autocorrected, it was supposed to say “wifi”, not “wife”!

Silly Joke #2

Two guys were sitting at the bar. One of them said, “I have a date with a beautiful woman tonight who is planning on coming over to my home for dinner but I’m struggling with how to make it really special.” “How so?” asked his friend. “Well, um… for example what do you think will go better with waffles, red or white wine?” His friend responded, “Um, is it too late to cancel your date?”

Silly Joke #3

Aging Wife: Why do you spend so much time with your 1968 Corvette?

Aging Husband: Well you know dear, they say a man’s car is a reflection of himself.

Aging Wife: Well, I guess I have to agree then, as sometimes your car doesn’t want to start, but when it does, it sputters a lot and back fires before it finally gets going…

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A divorced man, after knocking back a few drinks at a party, bumps into his ex-wife’s new husband. He decides to mock him out of anger and walks over to him and sneers: “So, how do you like using second-hand goods huh George?” “Doesn’t bother me one bit Larry,” George replies. “According to my wife, once I’m past those first three inches, it’s all brand new!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Andrew Dawson

Today’s Silly Joke Friday is TOTALLY dedicated to that mischievous Little Johnny who always seems to say the most inappropriate of things…

Silly Joke #1

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny!!! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network on my cable at home!”

Silly Joke #2

Little Johnny was loudly shouting his prayers. “Please God send me the new Playstation for my birthday!” His mother, overhearing him from downstairs heads upstairs and into his room, “Don’t shout dear, God isn’t deaf.” “No, but Grandad is, and he was downstairs with you!”, Little Johnny said with a grin.

Silly Joke #3

Teacher, “Ok class, today you will each share a recent event from your life.” Little Johnny shouts out first. “My father called Animal Welfare this past weekend because we found a suitcase while hiking in the woods and inside it were four kittens.” “That’s terrible!” the teacher replied, “Were they moving?” “Well, I’m not sure, to be honest,” I said, “but if they were that would explain the suitcase wouldn’t it?”

Bonus Silly Joke (2 for good measure!)

Little Johnny was now all grown up and working for a company in Florida. His boss has just walked into his office. “Congratulations Johnny! I’m promoting you to manage our new Montreal office!” Johnny responded disappointedly, “But sir! There’s nothing up there but cold weather and hockey players!” The boss responded quite irritated, “I’ll have you know Johnny that my mother is originally from Montreal!” “Really? No kidding? So, what hockey team did she play on?” Johnny said sarcastically.

Little Johnny had become an adult and been married for some time. He was sitting glumly on a barstool at the local bar near his home and calls his friend to come join him. “So, what’s up Johnny? Why are you at a bar by yourself on a Saturday night? Where’s your wife?” asked his friend. “Well, she suggested earlier this evening that we should play some sex games tonight to spice up our love lives.” “Yeah, so what was wrong with that man?” “Well, unfortunately my answer of ‘Guess who I shagged on the night of my bachelor party?’ wasn’t the game she was thinking of playing…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor yelled out “Tetanus!” with his patient. Then later he yelled “Measles!” with another. Soon after it was “Mumps!” with another patient. When he yelled out “Shingles!” with the last patient of the day, she asked the nurse who had been there a long while, “Why does he keep going on like that with each patient who needs a vaccine? ”Oh, that? He just likes to call the shots around here…”

Silly Joke #2

Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”“ Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

Silly Joke #3

A man named John is feeling unwell, so he goes to see the doctor about it. The doctor tells him, “Well, it must be your diet. What sort of greens do you eat?” John replies, “Well, I only eat peas. I hate all other green foods.” The doctor looks at him and says, “Well, there’s your problem. All those peas are clogging up your system. You’ll have to give them up.” John asks the doctor, “How long should I give them up for? I mean, I really like eating peas.” The doctor replies, shaking his head, “Well, forever I’m afraid. If you don’t, you’ll get sick again.” John is shocked by the doctor’s suggestion, but he decides to give it a go. Sure enough, he starts feeling loads better after a couple of weeks and realizes that he’ll never eat peas again. Anyway, one night, years later, he’s sitting in a bar having a conversation with friends. One of them says, “I’d love a cigarette, because I haven’t had a smoke in four years. My wife persuaded me to give them up.” Another guy says, “I haven’t played a game of golf in three years, because it cost me my first marriage. So I gave it up.” Then John says, “That’s nothing. I haven’t had a pea in six years!” When a pretty blonde sitting at the bar nearby overheard this, she jumped up and yelled , “Oh my, that sounds dangerous! Where are you storing all that urine anyway?”  

Bonus Silly Joke

Little Johnny, always known for saying inappropriate things went out for a drive with his father one day. Upon returning home, Johnny’s mom asked, “What did you see, today honey?” Little Johnny replied, “3 idiots, 1 dumb fool, 4 morons, and 1 damn sexy fox that Daddy said I can never tell you about…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson