Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A religious education class was almost finished making their models of the nativity scene when the teacher noticed Little Johnny had actually done a lovely job. He had made some animals, Mary, Joseph, three wise men, and the shepherds, each were all there. However, the teacher noticed an extra, rather overweight man in the scene as well.“Who is that person Little Johnny?” she asked.“Oh, that’s Round John Virgin!” said Little Johnny.

Silly Joke #2

A teacher barks at Little Johnny when she sees him blowing a bubble from a wad of chewing gum in his mouth. “Is that bubble gum I see in your mouth Johnny?!” Little Johnny nods. “In the trash can right now Johnny!” Little Johnny looks at the trash can, then back at the teacher, “With the bubble gum?”

Silly Joke #3

The new assistant priest was Little Johnny now all grown up. He was learning how to listen to confessions and an older priest says he’s going to listen in. Several confessions later, the older priest offers a few suggestions. “Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand,” he says. “Try saying things like, ‘I see, yes, go on. I understand. How did you feel about that?” Johnny tries out the words and gestures and the old priest says, “Good, now, don’t you think that’s a lot better than slapping your knee and saying, ‘No way! You did what?!!!”

Silly Joke #4

An old man goes into the local Social Security Office and fills out an application. He doesn’t have a birth certificate to prove his age which is needed for approval. So he opens his shirt and shows them the entire chest of gray hair. The young female clerk laughs and decides to accept that as proof, as it’s obvious to her anyway the man is well over the required age. The man then goes home to his wife, shows her the approval he received and explains to her how it happened. She replies, “Well maybe you can get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can also get disability?”

And here’s one more because I had to leave this super corny one for good measure…

The first time Moses actually went up on Mount Sinai, before God had a chance to say anything, Moses said, “God, I have a pounding headache!!! What do I do?” God responded, “Here, take these two tablets and we’ll talk about it in the morning.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A wife was watching a cooking program on television when her husband walked in.
Husband: “What are you watching that for? You can’t cook.”
Wife: “Well, I would say then that the same principle holds true with you watching all that porn!”

Silly Joke #2

A man’s beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when it got stolen from his office parking lot one day, his family was delighted. Nonetheless, he called the police. Their relief became short-lived, as within an hour an officer was on the phone. “We found the car less than a mile away,” he said, trying to restrain himself. “It had a note on it that read, ‘Thanks anyway, but I realized it was far better to walk!”

Silly Joke #3

An 80+ year old elderly gentleman went to his local drug store and asked his pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said “That’s no problem. How many would you like?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4 or so, because I am going to cut each one into 4 pieces to make them last longer.” The pharmacist responded, “Unfortunately, that won’t work as well if end up doing that to each pill.” The elderly gentleman responded, “That’s ok. I don’t need them to work that well as I don’t have sex anymore.” The pharmacist replied, “Well if you mind me asking, what do you plan to use them for then?” The elderly gentleman replied, “Oh, I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my clothes and shoes anymore…”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A teacher asks all the kids in her 11th grade class one day what they plan to do when they officially become an adult in a few years and dreads when it comes around to Johnny’s turn who’s no longer Little Johnny but teenage Johnny, someone who’s always been known for giving the most inappropriate of responses to questions ever since he was a kid.
Teacher: “So, Johnny, what do you plan to do as an adult?”
Teenage Johnny: “I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then become a billionaire investor who is able to go to the most expensive private clubs where I’ll find the finest bitch and give her whatever she wants including a mansion in Paris, which we will travel to by my private jet, and once there, I’ll be banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane!”
While the class laughed hysterically, the teacher was completely embarrassed, shocked, and had no idea know what to say. But, rather than send Johnny to the Principal’s office like he was always being sent to, she simply decides not to acknowledge what he said at all and continues on with her lesson without skipping a beat.
Teacher: “And how about you, Sarah. What do you plan to do when you become an adult?’
Sarah: “I plan to be Larry’s bitch…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

About an hour before her favorite breakfast place was about to close, a beautiful blonde heads to it and after arriving takes a seat and orders her usual, the breakfast special, but instead of getting the coffee that comes with it, she decides she wants orange juice today. After she’s served it, she quickly devours the meal but doesn’t touch the carton of orange juice. The waiter checks in from time to time and ask if she needs anything, and she ignores him each time. Assuming she was just a rude person, he eventually returns when they are getting ready to close. She’s the last one in the place. “Ma’am, I’m not sure if you knew we are going to be closing in a few minutes?” “I can’t leave just yet!”, she responds without even looking at him. “And why not?” questions the waiter. “Because this annoying carton of orange juice you gave me said to concentrate!”

Silly Joke #2

What’s are a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist completely opposite?

A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of a 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.

Silly Joke #3 (2 Little Johnny Jokes)

Little Johnny was on the subway with his mother. He noticed a man next to them had an open book in his hands and was crying, as the man’s eyes looked down at the pages. Little Johnny looked over at him and said, “It’s ok sir, I don’t know how to read yet either…”

Teacher (to the class): What are you grateful for?
Megan (raising her hand first): I’m grateful for the big man upstairs.
Little Johnny (blurting out): Not me, the big man upstairs always drives me nuts! He practices river dancing every night for a freaking hour!!!

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A grandson was soon to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex. His grandfather tells him, “When I first got married, I wanted it all the time, maybe several times a day. Later on, it maybe was once a week. But, as I got older, it was maybe once a month. And by the time I reached 70, I was lucky to have it once a year.” His grandson then asked, “And how about now with you and Grandma?” His grandfather replies, “Oh, we have oral sex regularly now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into the guest room. She yells, ‘F**k you,’ and I holler back, ‘F**k you, too!'”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson