Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1 (2 Little Johnny quick jokes)

Teacher: “Does everyone know what a headache is?”
Class (in unison): “Yesss!!”
Teacher: “Great. Now then, what does your mother do to make her headache go away?”
Little Johnny (blurting out his answer as always): “She sends me out to play!”

Teacher: “Okay, class. Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?”
Little Johnny (yelling out as always): “That’s obvious, it’s past tense!”

Silly Joke #2

A frustrated wife was talking to her blonde best friend. “I don’t know what’s wrong with my husband. He put a slice of cucumber up his nose, a piece of carrot in his left ear and a dab of banana in his right ear in our last few meals together. What do you think is wrong with him? The blonde replied calmly, “I think it’s pretty simple? He’s not eating properly…”

Silly Joke #3

Two young adult males were talking over a beer one night. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook a few weeks ago,” said the first, “but I wasn’t able to do anything with it.” “Way too complicated of recipes I bet right?” asked the second. “Nah. It was because each said you start by taking a clean dish….”

Bonus Silly Joke

A wealthy woman was sure that her wealthy husband was cheating on her with their live-in maid. So she laid down a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend after her husband had already gone upstairs for bed. When she turned in not too long later, the husband soon gave her the same old story. “Hon, I can’t sleep. I’m going to go downstairs and watch some tv for a little while. But first, I need to go to go to the bathroom.” As soon as he had left and went into the bathroom, with her assuming he was freshening up for the maid, she promptly ran into the maid’s bedroom and closed the door. She switched the lights off and got under the covers of the maid’s bed. The door to the maid’s room opened not too long after that. When he crawled in bed next to her and rolled on top of her she immediately screamed at him, “I knew it! You cheating louse of a husband!!!” She then switched on the light and saw their live-in gardener with his mouth gaping wide open in horror.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, they noticed a beautiful blonde looking out her kitchen window watching them as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. The younger trainee took him up on his offer and they were off and running like bats out of hell. As they came running up to the truck neck to neck, they suddenly realized the blonde from that last house had just arrived behind them huffing and puffing. The senior training supervisor asked her if everything was ok. Gasping for breath, she replied, “Well, when I see two men from the gas company suddenly running as fast as you two were away after reading my meter, I figured I’d better run away as well!!!”

Silly Joke #2

An overly confident guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a very attractive woman. He immediately turns to her and begins to make his move. “You know,” he says, “I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger sitting next to you. So I’d like to chat if you would?” The woman, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, “Sure, what would you like to talk about?”  “Oh, I don’t know, how about nuclear power?”, says the guy trying to over-inflate his ego. “Hmmm,” says the woman. “That could be an interesting topic. But first, let me ask you a question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff–grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?” The ego-centric guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea?” “Well, if that’s the case…” says the woman, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you really don’t know shit?”

Silly Joke #3

A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband. “I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. I want to know exactly how many there were?” The husband replied, “Look hon, telling you that is only going to upset you. I really don’t want to do that because there were many. Can we just leave it alone?” The wife wouldn’t let it rest and finally, the husband gave in. “Well…” he said “There was one, two, three, four, five, six, YOU, eight, nine…”

Bonus Silly Joke

Voicemail Recording: “Hello there! It’s a great day and I’m out enjoying it right now and I hope you are too. Please leave me a message don’t forget to be positive and share the love ok?”

Voicemail Left After The Message:  “Um….this is the clinic calling…Speaking of being positive, your VD test is back. You may want to stop sharing the love for a while…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

The new minister stood at the church door greeting the members as they left the Sunday morning service. While most of the people told the minster how much they liked his message, one man seemingly had a different opinion. “That was a very dull and boring sermon, Pastor,” he said. The pastor was a bit baffled by this, but he continued shaking hands. A few minutes later, the same man re-appeared in line and said, “I don’t think you did much in the way of preparation for your message.” A few minutes later, the man circled back once more shuffling into the line. “You really blew it. You didn’t have a thing to say, Pastor.” Finally, the minister could stand it no longer. He went to one of the deacons later after everyone had left and asked if he knew the man. “Oh, don’t let him bother you,” said the deacon. “He has some diagnosed mental health issues. I was told that one of the things he does is go around repeating whatever he hears other people saying.”

Silly Joke #2

An exasperated mother, whose son Little Johnny was always getting into a lot of mischief, finally asked him one day after he got himself into deep trouble, “Little Johnny, how do you expect to get into Heaven acting like this?” Little Johnny thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just keep running in and out and in and out and in and out slamming the door each time until St. Peter yells, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!!!’”

Silly Joke #3

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the blonde worker behind the counter, “Do these turkeys ever get any bigger than this?” The blonde replied, “No ma’am, unfortunately, they’re all dead.” 

Bonus Silly Joke

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first Amtrak ride heading to Washington, DC for a mini-vacation. At the snack bar on the train, she saw they were selling Pop Rocks, a candy she loved as a kid but one that she knew neither of her grandsons had ever seen or had before so she bought each a bag as a treat. Before they received it, she told them the story she heard as a kid about someone eating these and having soda along with it and it blowing up their stomach, but said it was all a silly rumor. She then gave them both their treat. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: “Well it didn’t blow up my stomach, but I still wouldn’t eat it if I were you.” “Why not?” replied the curious brother “Cuz, I took one bite and went blind for half a minute!!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson