Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son Little Johnny standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, “Little Johnny’s now 5 and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees soon. But, no need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask when he’s ready, and I’ll answer.” After everything was over, Little Johnny asks, “Daddy, how fast was that calf going to get lodged into the cow like that?”

Silly Joke #2

Maybe all those “Flat-Earthers” conspiracy theorists are right? Because despite what some people think, since the world is arguably 75% water, and none of it is carbonated…can’t one accurately deduct that the earth is technically flat?

Silly Joke #3

If the Lord came to a man named Noah in 2022…

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.” He then gave Noah the blueprints in saying, “You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.” Six months later, the Lord saw Noah weeping in his yard and no ark present. “Noah! I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?” said God. “Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit and I’ve been arguing with the inspector about their need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I also have violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations so I had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl, but I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the spotted owl, but they weren’t hearing it! And when I finally started gathering the animals, PETA sued me. They insisted I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Besides that, I’m also trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on the lack of minorities I had in my building crew while the trades unions say I can’t just use my sons. They insisted I had to hire Union workers with ark-building experience. “So, forgive me, Lord, but I think it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark given all these issues!” Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?” “No,” said the Lord. “I think it’s clear it’s already been destroyed…”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

Little Johnny’s mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when Little Johnny walks in. Mommy, where do babies come from? Well, honey…you see it’s like this. A mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and share intimacy and eventually a baby comes from that. “What’s intimacy Mommy?” responds Little Johnny. ”That means the daddy puts his male part in the mommy’s female part. That’s how a baby gets made honey.” “But what about the other night Mommy, when I came into your room late at night when I couldn’t sleep and saw and daddy’s male part in Mommy’s mouth? What do you get when you do that Mommy?” Johnny said not quite understanding. “Expensive jewelry, honey!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

My twin brother recently called me from prison.
He said, “Remember how we always said we were were so close we could finish each other’s sentences…?”
I hung up the phone after that…

Silly Joke #2

Two Mormons were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She had no desire to talk to them and went to slam the door except it suddenly bounced back open. Convinced one of the Mormons had their foot sticking in the door, she said, “Can’t you Mormons ever take a hint? I already have Jesus and spread a lot of Christ’s love in my life!” One of the Mormon’s then responded, “Ma’am if that is the case, you might want to show a little of that to your cat who got caught in your door when you tried to slam it in our face…”

Silly Joke #3

The new school year had just started. Ms. Davidson was not happy to see that she had Little Johnny in her class this year. She had been told by all his prior teachers that he was always shouting out extremely inappropriate things in class. As she began her first lesson feeling concerned, she wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer!  “Ok, class, what do I need to do to correct this sentence?” she said pointing to the blackboard. “Get laid?!” Little Johnny shouted back.

Bonus Silly Joke

A man was slowly driving up a steep, narrow mountain road enjoying the sunshine. He had taken his shirt off and had his top down on his convertible catching all the rays. A woman driving down the same road slowed down and opened her window. As they passed each other, she yelled, “PIG!!!” and drove on. The man immediately yelled back, “BITCH!!” As the man rounded the next corner angry at the woman judging him like that he suddenly crashes into a large pig standing in the middle of the road. If only men would just listen for once…things like this would never have to happen!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Employer: “We need someone responsible for this job.”
Blonde: “Sir your search for someone to fill this position can end here! You see, in my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible!!!”

Silly Joke #2

A very faith-based young lady came home from her date rather sad. She told her mother, “Jeff just proposed to me an hour ago.” “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. “Because he also told me he was an atheist Mom! He doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.” Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, I’m sure we’ll eventually show him how wrong he is!!!”

Silly Joke #3

A college girl was given a challenging homework assignment for her Literature class. It was to write a story in as few words as possible that would still gain the readers attention and it needed to be about religion, sexuality and mystery. She ended up receiving the highest grade in the class all because she wrote…”Good God! I’m pregnant and I don’t know who did it!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A blonde decided not to name her dog “Rover” or “Boy” or “Duke” when she was young and had named it something she’d never forget, which was  “Sex”. Unfortunately it’s gotten her into trouble ever since…

Example 1: When she went one day to where you get a new dog license, she told the clerk she would like to have a license for Sex. He thought she was praying a prank and chuckled, “I’d sure like to have one of those too!” But when she responded, “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was 11 and never got a license for it!” The clerk said she should probably leave.

Example 2: When she got married and went on her honeymoon, she decided to take the dog with her. She told the hotel clerk while her husband and her dog were outside with their car that she wanted a room that had a special place for Sex. He thought she was making a joke and chuckled, “Every part of our rooms can be used in that way ma’am.” She didn’t quite get it and responded, “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk tried to joke again, “Me too.” But when she responded, “Is it ok to have Sex anywhere in this hotel?” The clerk wasn’t joking anymore and said the hotel she was looking for was on the other side of town.

Example 3: When she entered Sex in a dog contest, Sex got away just before the competition began. Another contestant saw her looking around in one room after another and asked what she doing. She told him she had planned to have Sex in the contest. He joked and said, “You probably would have sold out tickets!” She didn’t quite get it and responded, “You don’t understand, I really hoped to have Sex on television.” He contacted the head of security after that.

Example 4: When she and her husband separated, her husband took the dog. She went to court to file for custody of it. In court, she said, “Your Honor, I’ve had Sex before I got married!” The judge joked, “Me too.” She didn’t quite get it and responded, “After I got married, Sex was never the same.” The judged joked again, “Me too.” But when she responded again, “I’d even be ok if I could give you Sex until you make the decision on this case!”, the judge immediately threw her case out.

Example 5: When her husband decided to finally return her dog, Sex ran off again the very first night. She spent hours looking around town for him. A policeman pulled up at one point and asked, “What are you doing in this part of town at 4 in the morning ma’am?” She said, “I’m hoping to find Sex officer! Can you help me?” The officer not in the mood began to arrest  her. She yelled, “I’m only looking for my dog named Sex, why is that a crime?” The officer realizing she was a blonde said, “You might want to change the name of your dog ma’am.” She didn’t quite understand why and the officer could tell, so he just said as he started to drive away…”Maybe you need to stop looking for Sex tonight and call it a night!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson