Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Research shows that men, on average, speak about 10,000 words per day, and women speak about 40,000. What the research doesn’t tell you is that it’s not that women are actually saying four times as much, they just have to repeat everything that many times because men don’t listen…

Silly Joke #2

One day, I found a strange-looking bottle and upon rubbing it, a genie appeared. The genie granted me one wish, so I immediately said without thinking, “I just want to be happy!” And now I’m living in a freaking tiny cottage with 6 other dwarves and working in a freaking mine of all things as well!

Silly Joke #3

After the christening of his baby brother little Mikey in church, little Johnny cried all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him what was wrong and finally, little Johnny said sobbing, “That priest said he wanted Mikey and I brought up in a good Christian home, and I really want to still stay with you guys!”

Bonus Silly Joke

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar, and how Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar and do this four times.”Now, said the teacher, “Does anyone in the class know why the Lord wanted Elijah to pour that water over the steer?” Little Johnny in the back of the room raised his hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy!!!” came his enthusiastic reply.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1 (2 Quick Marriage Jokes)

“Oh God,” sighed the wife one morning, “I’m convinced my mind is almost completely gone!” Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, “I’m not surprised: You’ve been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!”

Young Son: “Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her”
Dad: “That happens in every country, son…”

Silly Joke #2

This woman rushed to see the local urgent care, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off the doctor as soon as she is seen… “Look at me! Ever since I woke up this morning, I noticed my hair is extremely wiry and frazzled, my skin is overly wrinkled and pasty, my eyes are completely bloodshot and puffy, and I have this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?” The doctor does a very thorough examination, then calmly says: “Would it help if I told you that you are in completely perfect health…?”

Silly Joke #3

Mr. and Mrs. Wilson entered an overly crowded elevator. As it descended, she became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be tightly pressed against a very gorgeous young woman. When the elevator stopped at the main floor, the gorgeous woman suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and angrily yelled, “That will teach you to pinch total strangers! Men are such pigs!” Totally bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I… I… didn’t pinch that woman?” “Of course you didn’t,” said his wife, consolingly. “I did!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

On the first day of third grade, Little Johnny’s teacher was conducting a game to break the ice for her new students. The appointed student was to describe their father’s profession in five words. The rest of the class were challenged to guess what the work was, and the correct answer allowed them to be next in line. Much to her dismay, she noticed that she had bad Little Johnny again this year. Hoping to avoid him at all costs, she first started the game with Little Suzy. Little Suzy walked to the front of the class, drew back her shoulders, and proudly announced, “My Daddy cuts people open.” Hands shot up all over the room, and the teacher was grateful that Little Johnny didn’t raise his hand. Little Sims guessed correctly that her father was a surgeon, and took his turn. He stood in the front of the room and said, “My Daddy locks people up.” Again hands shot up…….but thankfully Little Johnny didn’t raise his hand. The game went on until all but Little Johnny was left. The teacher asked, “Little Johnny, do you want the class to guess what your Daddy does?” “Yeah” he said, and quickly bounded up to the front of the room. “My Daddy eats light bulbs!” The teacher was a bit taken aback by this and asked, “He eats light bulbs? Can you explain please?” “Well, Teach, every night I hear him tell Momma, “Cut out the light! I want to eat that thang!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A third grade teacher asked her students, one by one, to stand in front of the class and tell the class what their Daddy’s do. Little Mary went first, “My daddy is a doctor and he saves people’s lives” “That’s wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?” “My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail,” says Little Jane. “Very good Jane. Ok Little Johnny, what does your daddy do?” “My daddy is dead” says Little Johnny. “Oh, I’m so very sorry to hear that Johnny,” said the teacher, “what did he do before he passed away?” Little Johnny responded, “He turned blue and then crapped on the carpet!”

Silly Joke #2

WIFE: “Honey, there’s trouble with our car. I think it has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? You don’t even know what a carburetor is!” Have you’ve been drinking?”
WIFE: “I’m telling you the car has water in the carburetor! And what does that matter if I’ve had a few drinks or not?”
HUSBAND: “Well, you sound a little drunk. Where’s the car now anyway?”
WIFE: “Ummm….in the neighbor’s in-ground pool.”

Silly Joke #3

LITTLE JOHNNY: “Dear God, so far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t lied, I haven’t lost my temper, I haven’t been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I’m really doing good! But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on, I’m probably going to do all those things and need your forgiveness and all ok? Thanks! Amen!”

Silly Joke #4 (Adult Humor)

Three priests went to the train station to take a trip to Pittsburgh. The senior father looked to the youngest and said, “Will you go to the booth and buy the tickets for us?” The young priest timidly replied, “Yes Father.” And he headed for the ticket booth. When he gets to the window, he sees that the young woman selling tickets is wearing a VERY low cut neckline and is VERY endowed. “Could I have three pickets to Titsburg?” he blurted. Embarrassed for his mistake, he quickly left and ran back to the other two priests and told them what had happened. The senior father then asked the middle-aged father if he would go to get the tickets. “And would you please get me two nickels for a dime while you are there?” he added. “Certainly!” the middle-aged priest replied, “I’ll be right back.” When he arrived at the booth, he said “I’d like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and could I have two nipples for a dime?” Embarrassed for what he mistakenly said, he abruptly left and ran back to the other two priests and told them what had happened. The senior father was angry and said, “You two wait here, I’ll obviously have to get them myself!” He stormed off to the ticket booth and when he got to the beautiful young lady’s booth he said, “I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and two nickels for a dime.” “And you should be ashamed of yourself, young lady. Dressing that way in public! Why….I’m sure that Saint Fingers is shaking his Peter at you right now!” Turning beet red at his mistake, he then swiftly ran away as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson