Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” 
“Eight,” Little Johnny replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
Little Johnny replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for my younger brother.”
The man replied, “Son, I’m not sure if you really understand what these are used for?”
Little Johnny replied, “Sure I do! It said on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike without any problems! And right now, my little brother can’t do either one!”

Silly Joke #2

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded, “When we were first married we came to an agreement — I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision.”

Silly Joke #3

A passenger train suddenly slows down and comes to a complete halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What the heck is going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track Ma’am!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it suddenly stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking by again. She leans out the window and yells, “What the hell! I guess we happened to catch up to that cow again!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A doctor and his wife are having an argument in the morning over breakfast and the doctor blurts out, “You know what? You’re not that great in bed anyways!” So he goes off to work and thinks it over and decides to call his wife and make amends…..He calls the house and the phone rings many, many times and then his wife finally answers the phone completely out of breath….The doctor says, “What were you doing?” and she says, “l was in bed!” The doctor responds, “What were you doing in bed so late in the day?” The wife then curtly replied, “Getting a second opinion!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as “She” or “Her”. But was unsure what was proper for computers. To solve his dilemma, he set up two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and the other group was female.

The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as “HE” because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.

The group of men reported that computers should be referred to as “SHE” because:

1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Silly Joke #2

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Mr. Green, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Mr. Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re one my my best and faithful customers, I’ll let you in on my secret. It’s fish heads. If you eat enough of them, it will definitely increase your brilliance.” “Really? Do you sell them here?” the customer asks. “Yup, just $4 apiece,” says Mr. Green. The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter. “You didn’t eat enough, you only had three if I remember correctly?” says Mr. Green. So, the customer decides to buy 20 more fish heads. A few weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry. “Hey, Mr. Green,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!” “You see?” says Green. “You’re getting smarter already!”

Silly Joke #3

Kathy, a beautiful blonde woman began her job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day, during recess, Kathy noticed a young girl standing by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the kids were playing a game of soccer. A while later, Kathy walked over to the young girl and offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The girl looked at Kathy suspiciously, then said hesitantly, “Okay, I guess so…” “Why are you standing here all alone?” asked Kathy. “Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A college student picked up his new date at her parents home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?” “No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid, either.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The youngest of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son.” “Good morning Mr. Pastor” replied Little Johnny not taking his eyes off the plaque. “Sir, what is this?” he asked. “Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service”, replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30, because I usually go to your 10:30?!”

Silly Joke #2

A 92 year-old man that was hard of hearing went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the Doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the Doctor talked to the man and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” The man replied, “Just doing what you said Doctor, ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.” The Doctor said, “Actually, I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful!”

Silly Joke #3

A young American tourist goes on a self-guided tour of a creepy old European castle. Near the end of her tour, she sees a young girl looking around in the last room she’s looking in who asks her how she enjoyed her visit. The tourist admitted to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages. “Oh, don’t worry,” says the young girl, “I’ve never seen a ghost all the time I’ve been here.” “How long is that?” asks the tourist. “About three hundred years…”

Bonus Silly Joke

Last summer blonde Ed met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship. “It’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut,” Blonde Ed said to his lady friend. “I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that’s a problem, you’d better say so now.” “Well, if we’re being honest with each other, here goes,” she replied. “I’m really a hooker.” “I see,” Blonde Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment. Then he added, “Well, you know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson