Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Billy Bob and his wife and son from waaaay out in the sticks finally decide go to the “big city” to a major hotel. When they get into the lobby, they are directed to the front desk to check in. While the wife is takin’ care of “the paper work,” Billy Bob and his son walk around the lobby looking at the amazing things there. One thing that catches both of their eyes is a recess in the wall with a crack down the middle. Just then, an elderly woman walks up, pushes a button next to the recess, and the wall opens up to a small room! She walks in and the wall closes, while lights above the secret doors flash along the top. They begin flashing in the other direction, and moments later the wall opens up and a shapely beautiful young lady, incredibly dressed, sashays out, walking by the man and his son both of whom’s jaws drop as she passes by. Billy Bob says the man to his son… “Son, go get your mother immediately!”

Silly Joke #2

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.” The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!” The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!” “You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted. Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!” She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?” The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

Silly Joke #3

A gorgeous blonde named Sally had been waiting entirely too long at the doctor’s office alone. Her appointment was for 9:00 and it was nearly 10:30. Finally, an attractive male nurse appeared at the waiting room door and said, “Sally, let’s go get a room.” “Honestly, I appreciate the offer,” she said, “but I’ve been waiting so long now, I’d hate to lose my spot!”

Bonus Silly Joke (NSFW: For Adults only)

Three couples go camping and one couple forgot to bring their tent. So they decide the men will sleep in one tent, and the women will sleep in the other. In the middle of the night while Larry was sound asleep, John whispered, “Bob, look at this bloody erection I’ve got. It must be all the fresh air. I’m going over to get my wife and go into the woods.” Bob whispered back, “You want me to come with you?” John whispered somewhat angrily, “Why the hell would I want you to come with me?!” Bob says, “Because that’s my cock your holding.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A man complains to a friend, “I can’t take it anymore.”
“What’s wrong?” his concerned friend asks.
“It’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!”
“You mean hysterical,” his friend said, chuckling.
“No, I mean HISTORICAL,” the man insists. “Every argument we have, she’ll go ‘I still remember that time when you…'”

Silly Joke #2

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?” “Yes, I know,” said the lady, “But, I need both hands to hold onto this hat.” “But, madam, you must know that your privates are being exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. But, I just bought this hat yesterday!”

Silly Joke #3

My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR. My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ….. smiled and said, “He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week”. We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR. My wife gave me another healthy jab and said, “WOW~~That’s more than twice a week! ………. You could learn a lot from him”. We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said: THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR. My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,”That’s once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one”. I looked at her and said sarcastically, “Oh, yeah? Well, why don’t you go over and ask him if it was with the same cow?”

Bonus Silly Joke

Ron, an elderly man had owned a large farm in the country for several years. He had a large pond at the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he excitedly saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. One of the women suddenly noticed he was staring at them from behind a tree and shouted, “You old pervert! We’re not coming out until you leave!” Ron frowned, “I’m not a pervert nor am I here to see a bunch of naked ladies in my pond!” Holding his bucket up, Ron said, “I’m here to feed the alligator!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.” The next-door neighbor protested, “What?! Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children!” The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

Silly Joke #2

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base in Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft’s latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck had been left outdoors and was frozen solid, so he had to find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returned to the aircraft and was less than enthusiastic about what he had to do. Nevertheless, he went about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later. As he’s left the plane, the pilot stopped him and said, “Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished.” Shivering in the cold, his task finished, the airman took a deep breath, stood up tall and said, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and the reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump sh*t from your aircraft. Now just exactly what other form of punishment do you have in mind from this hell I’m already living in?!”

Silly Joke #3

One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out miniature crosses made of palm leaves. “Put this cross in the room where your family argues most,” he advised. “When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching.” When the parishioners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, “I’ll take five.”

Bonus Silly Joke

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother. “It’s because he thinks a lot honey…” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness. That was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair then?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson