Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

It has been reported that veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew he was kneaded”. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and… one in the oven.

Silly Joke #2

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the local golf course, and I was visualizing my upcoming shot at the first hole, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. “Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee back up to the Men’s Tee, please!!” I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement–“Would the MAN on the WOMEN’S Tee kindly back up to the Men’s Tee.” I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, “Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?!”

Silly Joke #3

Last year a blonde replaced several windows in her house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. One day, she suddenly got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and she had yet to pay for them. She got really upset and proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told her last year. . that in one year the windows would pay for themselves!!! There was a very long silence on the other end of the line after that, so she just hung up and was grateful that she had set him straight.

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult humor)

A very well know rich man, but not all too attractive man meets a woman at a bar and asks her, “Would you have sex with me for 10 million dollars?” Without skipping a beat she screams “Oh God, yes!” The man then asks, “Well, what about for $20?” She looks at him angrily and says,” What do you think I am, a whore?” The man says “Well, we’ve already established that you are, so now we’re just negotiating…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A little child was in church for the first time and watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster said in a little voice loud enough for everyone to hear: “Daddy, you don’t have to pay for me. I’m under five…”

Silly Joke #2

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one from Mississippi and the other from Texas, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Mississippian said, “When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me.” The Texan lady commented, “Well, isn’t that nice?” The lady from Mississippi continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive.” Again, the Texas lady commented, “Well, isn’t that nice?” The first woman boasted, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.” Yet again, the Texas lady commented, “Well, isn’t that nice?” The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?” The Texas lady replied, “My husband sent me to charm school.” “Charm school!” the first woman cried. “Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?” The Texas lady responded, “So that instead of saying, ‘Who gives a shit!” I learned to say, ‘Well, isn’t that nice?'”

Silly Joke #3

Grandpa and Grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one hand on the television set and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. “Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.” Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.” Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he even gratified himself and put it too into the concoction! He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: “Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop gratifying yourself, your tennis elbow will never get better!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. “Bubba, where’d you git that purty truck?!?” “Tammie give it to me!” Bubba replied. “She gave it to ya? I know’d she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?” “Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin’ out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,’Bubba, take whatever you want.’ So I took the truck! ” “Bubba, you a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!”

Silly Joke #2

With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was amazingly able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one of them asked. “Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.” Another half hour passed before another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?” “No, not yet,” said the mother. A while later and again the guests asked, “May we see the baby now?!” “No, not yet,”  replied the mother. Growing impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby then?!” “When it cries,” she told them. “When it cries???!!!” they gasped. “Why do we have to wait until it cries?” “Because, I forgot where I put it!”

Silly Joke #3

A blonde found herself very lonely when her husband went to work every day. So one day she decided to try a jigsaw puzzle to keep her mind occupied. She lay all the pieces out on the table but she could not get any two pieces to fit together. A few hours later her husband come home to find her very upset and almost in tears. He asked her what was wrong and she replied- “I cant solve this stupid jigsaw puzzle! Its supposed to be a tiger but I cant even get two pieces to fit together!” The husband looked at the table, took a deep breath and said- “Why don’t i make us both a cup of coffee dear and we’ll sit down together and put all those Frosted Flakes back in the box ok?”

Bonus Silly Joke (Three short ones!)

Did you know I used to run a dating agency for chicken? It didn’t really work out though because I struggled to make hens meet!

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It’s a big building with a lot of doctors, but that’s not important now!

Wife: “Whenever I keep money in my purse, our son steals it! I don’t know what to do honey?”
Husband: “Hide it in his books dear. You know he’ll never touch them…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson