Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny was back in school. The teacher was asking everyone what they did over the summer. When it came to Little Johnny’s turn, he said, “On my family trip this summer, we visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota.” The teacher asked, “Good Johnny! Now, can you tell the class how you spell that?” Little Johnny thought for a few seconds and said, “Actually, we went to Ohio.”

Silly Joke #2

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read “Best Deals”. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading “Lowest Prices”.  The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read… “Main Entrance”.

Silly Joke #3

One day a man called the church office and said, “Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?” The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, “I’m sorry, who? The caller repeated, “Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?” She said, “Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as ‘Pastor,’ or ‘Brother,’ but I prefer that you not refer to him as the ‘head hog at the trough’!” To this, the man replied, “Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the church building fund . . .” To this, the secretary quickly responded, “Hang on, I think the big fat pig just walked in!”

Bonus Silly Joke

There was a blonde who had never been horseback riding and decided to try, even though she had no prior experience. So the blonde gracefully mounted the horse. The horse started off at an easy gallop. The blonde thought she was doing quite well. When all of a sudden she began to slip! She tried to grasp the horse’s mane but it was too slick! So she decided to jump to safety….so she jumped, but her foot was caught in the stirrup! She was now at the mercy of the horses feet, and right before she was knocked unconscious…. the manager of Walmart walked out and turned the horse off!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVERYONE!!!

Silly Joke #1

A Rabbi who’s been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he’s never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel. He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the menu. As he’s eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant. He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching. His luck, they’d chosen the same time to visit the same remote location! Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth. The Rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, “Wow – you order an apple in this place and look how it’s served!”

Silly Joke #2

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson. “Worker ants,” she told them, “can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?” One child was ready with the answer, “They don’t have a union?”

Silly Joke #3

While carpenters were working outside the ornate house an elderly woman had just bought, she busied herself with some indoor cleaning. She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay, she looked at his muddy boots and then to her newly-scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” she said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down some newspapers for you ok?” “Look lady,” he responded. “I’m already potty trained!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Four Quick One-Liners!)

Q: You know what really makes me smile?
A: Facial muscles!!!

Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.

Q: What is a committee?
A: A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A: A desserter.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, ”I can’t find a cause for your complaint Bob. Frankly, I think it might be due to drinking.” ”In that case,” said Bob, ”I’ll come back when you’re sober!!!'”

Silly Joke #2

Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth. “It looks real enough to talk,” says one. “Lets try,” says the other and turning to the statue he asks it its name. No answer. “How old are you?” No answer. Finally. one shouts out, “What is the square root of 64?” Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rises onto its feet and puts its hand on its chin. Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice, “Eight.” “Of course!!!!” says the scientist, “… It only stands to reason!”

Silly Joke #3

A Cowboy was sitting in a saloon one Saturday night in the Old West. He recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’‘ Will that make me a better gunslinger?’ asked the young man. ‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow-tie off the piano player. ‘That’s terrific!’ said the hot shot.. ‘Got any more tips for me?’ ‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw’ ‘Will that make me a better gunslinger?’ asked the young man. ‘You bet it will, ‘ said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot the cufflink right off the piano player. ‘Wow!’ exclaimed the cowboy ‘I’m definitely learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?’ The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’The young man quickly went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. ‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all! ‘Wait, how is doing this going to help me become a better gunslinger?’ asked the young man. ‘It won’t.’ said the old-timer, ‘But when the piano player finishes playin’, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna shove that gun right up your ass, and it won’t hurt near as much!”

Bonus Silly Joke

“In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?” a guy asks. The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?” The guy (clearly offended) says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?! Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?! Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?! Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?! Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”! The clerk says, “Well, no, I probably wouldn’t!” With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish after asking where I can find the Polish sausage?!” The clerk replied, “Well sir, it’s because you’re in Home Depot.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson