Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A young man and woman were eager to enjoy a picnic in the park one Saturday noon, and they opted to go through a fast-food drive-in for a quick snack. They ordered, paid, got their bag of goodies, and headed for the park. When they opened the bag, it was full on money instead of the hamburgers they expected. They rushed back to the fast-food place and returned the money. “This is WONDERFUL,” exclaimed the manager. “We’ve been looking for this money all morning and couldn’t figure out where it could have been misplaced. You two are an honest couple. A lot of people would not have the morals and honesty to return the money. I’m going to call the TV and the newspapers and let everybody know what an honest deed you’ve done.” “OH, please don’t do that,” says the man, “my wife might see it on TV.”

Silly Joke #2

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.” The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. “Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?” “A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace.

Silly Joke #3

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate. “Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.” “Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?” “He was the original owner!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she says. “Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in.” The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: “That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, “You know, Jane, these remind me of John’s balls.” Jane, impressed says, “Hmm, that big, huh?” “No”, Sue answers. “That dirty!!!”

Silly Joke #2

Dorothy is out looking for a special pet, and so she’s trying all the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll go get him.”  With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little dog. “This dog is a special dog,” he tells her. “It is able to fly,” he explains, and with that he throws the dog up into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop much to her surprise. There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say the word ‘my’, he’ll eat whatever you’ve mentioned. Watch. “My apple!” The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he produced from his pocket. “He’s cute, and so unusual. I’ll take him,” she says, and a few minutes later she’s heading to the parking lot with her new dog when she sees her ex-husband who left her for another woman and never gave her the love she deserved. “Oh hi Stan, I finally decided to get a pet who not only will love me unconditionally like you couldn’t, but he also has a true gift!” she says sarcastically. “Oh really Dorothy? What’s so special al this mutt?” he says negatively looking down at her new dog. “He can fly!” she exclaims. The husband peers more intently at the dog, and then remarks, “Fly eh?.. Ha! My ass!”

Silly Joke #3 (Especially for my partner Chris!)

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher. “Johnny,” she said, “you shouldn’t use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?” “My daddy said it,” he responded. “Well, that doesn’t matter,” explained the teacher. “You don’t even know what it means.” “I do, too!” Little Johnny retorted. “It means someone just cut him off on the road!”

Bonus Silly Jokes (Three short, but kind of really funny corny ones!!!)

Martha is heading into the store when she runs into Mary. “Hi Martha, what are you up to?” says Mary. “Well, I need to return this sweater I bought as it was picking up too much static electricity.” responds Martha. “Are you going to buy another one?” “Well actually, I’m hoping they give me another one, free of charge.”

A man was found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.

I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary! So, I said, “Mark, my words!!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny: Dad, will you help me do my homework?”
Dad”: I’m sorry,” replied the father. “It wouldn’t be right.”
Little “Johnny: Well, ” said little Johnny, “at least you could try.”

Silly Joke #2

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem, doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell!” “My dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.” “The problem is,” she complained, “it wakes me up!!!”

Silly Joke #3

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, “I was cleaning the Father’s room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!” “What did you do?” the other two nuns asked. “Well, of course I threw them in the trash.” The second nun said, ” Well, I can top that, I was in Father’s room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!” “Oh my!” gasped the other two nuns. “What did you do?” they asked. “I poked holes in all of them,” she replied. The third nun suddenly exclaimed, “Oh crap!!!”

2 Bonus Silly Jokes (For adults only)

Man: “Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh never mind, it’s too long.” he said laughing.
Woman: “Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you’ll never get it.” she said with a chuckle.

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex.” She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping up her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.” He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson