Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Annual Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian” He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?” “Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.” Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?” His son replies, “Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”

Silly Joke #2

A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership. She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her. Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed, and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. But as she turns back, there standing next to her is a handsome young salesman.”Good day Madam, how may I help you?” Very uncomfortably, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this fabulous vehicle?” He answers, “Madam, I’m afraid I can’t say. If you farted just touching it, you’re going to crap yourself when you hear the price!”

Silly Joke #3

One day the first-grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,”…and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, “Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?” Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said “I know, I know!” “Go ahead Johnny, what do you think he said?” the teacher responded. Johnny blurted out, “Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!!!'”

Bonus Silly Joke (Dedicated today to my friend Frank!)

A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years, the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn’t think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day. With that the priest said to the Bishop, “Would you like to have a martini with me?” The Bishop said, “Yes, that would be nice.” The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, “Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with great tears in his eyes… He then said, ” You know, one would have been enough son…”

Silly Joke #2

A very prideful Christian woman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.” Miraculously, a parking space suddenly opened up right in front of her destination. The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord, I found one on my own!”

Silly Joke #3

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial–a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.” At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adults only)

Two quite elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So, she used “blow-up” dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man’s room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.The first man said, “I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned… how was it for you?” The second man replied, “I think mine was a witch.” The first man asked, “How’s that?” “Well,” said the second man, “when I began to nibble on her a little… she farted and quickly flew out the window!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home now, ‘Mother of six?'” His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of four.”

Silly Joke #2

Mom: Having trouble with your computer, son?
Son: My PC says it can’t see my printer.
Mom: I’m not surprised. Look how messy your room is.

Silly Joke #3

After she woke up, a woman told her husband,“I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said with a smile. The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn’t wait for her husband to return home.That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”.

Bonus Silly Joke

“I couldn’t find the car window scraper this morning, so I used a plastic store discount card to clean my windows. It didn’t work very well. I only got 20% off.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson