I really struggle making friends. The most common thing people seem to always say about me is that I’m too aggressive in pursuance of their friendship. Others have often said I divulge too much about my life too quickly as well. Ironically, when I was the complete reverse of this many, many years ago, people said I should open up more and try harder. I’ve come to accept these days that the people who do want to be my friend are the ones who accept me just as I am.
The main reason why I’m talking about this subject today is due to a social group that my partner and I dined with recently. We met up with this group one evening to share a meal, as they regularly get together each month to break bread with each other. Five or so couples were present that night, only one of which we knew and they were the ones who had invited us to join them.
I was excited that night to meet some people who possibly might become new friends of my partner and I, as we continue to look for couples to spend time and develop healthy friendships with. While we dined that evening, I spent a good period of it talking to one couple that sat near me I have never met before. They were very friendly and I truly enjoyed the conversations we had. By the time the night was over, I felt comfortable enough to give them my contact information and suggest that maybe we get together sometime to hang out. I even offered them an invite to an Oscar party I was having a week or so later. After we all parted ways, I looked forward to connecting with them again, as well as with the rest of the group in subsequent months.
Like most people seem to do these days, when I got home, I found them on Facebook and sent them a friend request. Four weeks passed after that with no response to that request or to the brief messages I had sent to each saying hello. I asked one of my friends who knew them, if I possibly had offended them somehow without even knowing it. What I learned later was what I always seem to learn.
I was too aggressive.
I divulged too much.
They weren’t comfortable with my forwardness.
Etc. Etc.
I’ve heard this before and I’m sure I will continue to hear this time and time again. I’ve jumped back and forth throughout my life trying to make friends by putting effort into opening up and getting to know others, but keep getting these types of responses. Then I get frustrated because of it and go in the exact opposite direction by remaining more silent than not at various get-togethers where people end up saying they still aren’t comfortable with me because I didn’t try hard enough to socialize.
To be perfectly frank, I am who I am. I can’t keep trying to change to fit what other people want me to be. In doing so, I’m just being a chameleon and not authentic. I’m a firm believer that if my Higher Power wants a couple or anyone for that matter to be a friend in my life, they will be there with me just being me. And being me these days is one who does open up a lot more than not, who does share about his life quite openly, who does send friendship requests to people he newly meets, and who does extend an invitation to hang out with new people when it seems like things are going well in getting to know them.
Case in point, on my partner and I’s recent vacation, we met a couple early on named Cathy and Mike who took to us very well. We all opened up quite a bit with each other over the course of four days or so and shared a ton of laughter with each other as well. By the time we parted ways as they headed home first, a decent friendship was forged and possibly a future trip on the horizon to each other’s places.
So while one couple, or maybe more didn’t take to my forwardness so well on that night at the group dinner, I know there are others in this world that still do. I know I’m a good person and deserve healthy friendships and I know that I am who I am. I’m an extrovert with a good heart and a very open life. I write about it, speak about it, and that’s just me.
I look at it this way. If a couple or anyone doesn’t want to be a part of my life or my partner’s, it’s their loss and it’s our gain to spend more time developing connections with those who do.
So if you are someone like me who has been rejected a lot in life, just be yourself and live in your heart, and the friendships you’re meant to have will come in your life when they’re meant to. Let the ones go who can’t accept you for you, because in the end, you truly don’t want friendships like them anyway…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
