Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday entry, where gratitude remains the sole focus on my writing, which for today is for going through all the pains, trials, and tribulations of my life the past ten years medication free.

For those who may not know this, I’m not against medication, I just choose not to use it anymore to cope with the general pains, trials, and tribulations of my life, as in the past, I used medications to cope with life and keep my numb. The result was the shutting down of my heart and generally not caring much about anything.

The last round of medications I was prescribed back in 2011 included Effexor, Ativan, Seroquel, and Gabapentin. All of it eventually led me to attempt suicide because I had become so numb inside to life itself. I vowed to myself in the spring of 2012 to start going through my life medication free unless an emergency occurred. I wanted to experience more of life on life’s terms. It’s been a hard path to undertake, especially on the many extremely pain-riddled days I’ve had and the countless days I’ve felt quite down.

Believe me there are plenty of moments where I think like many probably do, that I just want to take some type of medication to make my pain go away. Given I have an addict personality that doesn’t want to feel pain, it’s even more of a reason why I have chosen for years now not to medicate.

Last year when I had COVID for 24 straight days, I endured the worst of headaches I’ve ever felt in my entire life for about seven straight days, but I didn’t attempt to even take a Tylenol, Aleve, Advil, or anything of the sort. I just sat through it and that wasn’t because I was choosing to be a martyr. I chose that route because I didn’t want to allow my ego to convince me all over again that the only solution in life to cope with pain is through some type of pill.

There once was a time one would find me in one doctor’s office after another, day after day, week after week, month after month, seeking out medications to fix what I felt to be broken within me. My ego had convinced me that the only answer to solve all my suffering was to medicate. Sometimes I even think much of the hypochondria I’ve dealt with is simply my ego just trying to get me to go back to medicating all over again.

Regardless, it’s no small feat that I’ve gone through an incredible amount of stuff over the past decade and haven’t popped a single pill in my mouth, not once. How many days I’ve wanted to do so for quick relief is probably countless. But I know myself better than anyone else does, and the addict in me always wants to go back down that path all over again. The addict in me wants the only solution in life to be a pill to make all my pain go away. Why? Because the addict likes remaining numb to life itself.

I’m continuing to choose day after day to not follow the medication path because I want to remain living in reality, feeling what I need to feel, dealing with what I need to deal with, and healing in God’s time. I’m not saying I’ll never be on medication again and I’m also not saying medication is bad either. What I am saying is that I’m grateful to have gone this long without it when I couldn’t go a day without it just over a decade ago and I give all that credit to to remaining on this path thus far to my faith that God is the one who is guiding me through it all…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

What is one behavior you have a tendency to complain about when you see someone else do it, that you yourself have done before? (Ex. Complaining about another driver.)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

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Daily Reflection

“So, in everything, do unto others what you would have the do to you…” (Matthew 7:12)

I was sitting in a Starbucks the other day (I know, I know, go figure! LOL!) meeting with someone for an afternoon coffee when I noticed an individual sitting near the front of the store with an elaborate computer set up containing multiple cords, two small monitors, and a gaming console. The friend I was meeting there attempted to make conversation with the individual, as they were amazed at the complex set-up. The individual looked over at my friend, ignored them and went back to immersing themselves in what looked to be a game. I saw they had earbuds on so I assumed they didn’t hear her. But after I sat down with my coffee in hand, I watched as another person approached the individual and asked about their setup as they were looking for some guidance and direction. The person tried several times to communicate with them, only it was obvious the individual couldn’t be bothered as they outright ignored the person, even looking at them directly and rolling their eyes, to communicate to leave them alone. I wanted to believe the person didn’t speak English or had some other inability to communicate, but that wasn’t the case when I saw them on their phone. I felt much sorrow over this.

Why do people act like this? I often ask myself this question, especially when I see people who claim themselves as Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, or follow some other devout religious path only to exhibit behaviors like this. I’m sure if this gaming individual had this happen to them when they approached another, they would have been taken aback and frustrated at the very same response.

I tend to see this happening a lot in our world these days. People like to complain about how they are being treated, yet those same individuals often do the very same behaviors and are completely oblivious to it. It only gets their attention when those behaviors come from another and affects them.

Seeing this the other day brought back the thought of the earliest golden rule I learned in life about doing unto others as I would want done to me. I’ve had many people approach me in many different coffee shops asking me about the various things I’m doing there. Whether it’s been my 12 Step recovery work, writing for my blog, or even watching a movie or playing a game, I always give them my focus because I would want the same done to me. Sadly, I wasn’t this way at all during my active addiction years. During them, I was no different than that gaming individual and might have even gone a step further to tell the person I was busy who was asking me a question.

So, if you should ever find yourself complaining about someone being rude or disrespectful to you, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and reflect upon all areas of your life where you may be doing the very same thing, as there’s a good chance you’ve done the exact same behavior with another and the Universe is only showing you this so that you can make a positive change on your spiritual path in life…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson