Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A missionary, in Africa, was out taking a walk in the jungle. Suddenly, he heard a noise from the brush in front of him. It was a lion. He started to back up and heard a noise from behind. Sure enough, it was another lion. He looked to his left and then to his right. You guessed it, lions were on both sides. It looked grim, so the missionary sat down where he was and started to read his Bible. Shortly after he started reading, the lions jumped the missionary and ate him. The moral of this story: Never read between the lions.

Silly Joke #2

Halfway through dinner one night, our friend told us of his days playing football in college as a defensive lineman. “Did you play sports in college,” his beautifully blonde wife then asked me. “Yes,” I answered. “I was on West Point’s shooting team.” “That’s great,” she said, appropriately impressed. “Offense or defense?”

Silly Joke #3

15 Things to do at Wal-mart to pass the time by and have some fun…

1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples’ carts when they aren’t looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor going into the rest room.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘I think we have a code 3 in housewares,’ and see what happens.
5. Ask the customer service desk if you could put some M&M’s on layaway.
6. Move a “CAUTION WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, ‘Why won’t you people leave me alone!’
9. Look right into a security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible.’
11. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where you can find some anti-depressants.
12. Grab some pajamas in the clothing department, put them on in the dressing room and walk around (although this one may not work well since you might find others there are already wearing pajamas too!)
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!’
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again!’
15. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud…..’Hey we’re out of toilet paper in here!’

Bonus Silly Joke

9 dangerous words in your relationship that your partner may say to you…

(1)  “Fine” – This is the word uses to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) “Five Minutes” – If they are getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to enjoy what you are doing before you have to help around the house.
(3) “Nothing” – This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end with (1) being spoken.
(4) “Go Ahead” – This is a dare, not a permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) “Loud Sigh” – This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood. A loud sigh means they think you are an ass and wonder why they are wasting their time standing there and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to (3) for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) “That’s Okay” – This is one of the most dangerous statements made. That’s okay means they want to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) “Thanks” – You are actually being thanked! Do not question or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (But if they say, “Thanks a lot” – that is pure sarcasm and they aren’t thanking you at all. In this case never say “You’re welcome”, as that will bring on (8).
(8) “Whatever” – This is just another way of saying, “Go to hell.”
(9) “Don’t worry about it, I got it” – This means they have asked you to do something several times but are now doing it themselves. It’s usually followed by silence later by them and if you ask them, ‘What’s wrong?’, refer to (3) as that is the answer you’ll get.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes are ones I found to help with processing the loss of a close friendship recently…

“You have to accept that some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.” (Unknown)

“You have to let people go. Everyone who’s in your life are meant to be in your journey, but not all of them are meant to stay til the end.” (Unknown)

“Some people are going to leave, but that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story.” (Unknown)

“When someone walks out of your life, let them. There’s no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yes, you may miss them. But remember that you weren’t the one that gave up.” (Unknown) 

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“I’m done, Andrew. I wish you well.”

I recently lost what I thought to be a good friend from my life. Not by an actual death per se, but a death by ghosting, where the final words I received after months of silence were “I’m done, Andrew. I wish you well.” I have struggled immensely with this loss, because at one point, this friend was also the subject of one of my Grateful Heart Monday entries, someone I truly was thankful for being a close part of my life.

This friend was someone I spent one evening with almost every week throughout the entire pandemic. We usually had a movie or tv night where we tended to delve into some science fiction, fantasy, or superhero type of thing, something we both were really into. We usually gorged on some type of fast food and always had a sweet treat on hand as well to carve out each of those evenings. What I liked best about this friend was that it wasn’t based upon physical attraction, it was just a true friendship founded upon some similar interests, one that initially began with a mutual like of superheroes and comic books.

If you’ve ever watched the tv show, Mystery Science Theater 3000, a series about a man and his robot companions that watched B-movies and made fun of them to pass the time by, that indeed would be the closest comparison to how much of my evenings with this friend were like. We often laughed so hard at the insanity of some of the things we watched that I left for home at the end of the night with my facial muscles hurting quite a bit.

The how and why this friendship ended seems so silly now. It all started when I completely forgot to call my friend on Thanksgiving Day to wish them a happy one. I was away on travel at the time in Savannah, Georgia with my partner for a vacation and a wedding we attended. When I finally remembered, we were on our drive home the next day. I quickly dialed them as soon as I realized my mistake and got their voicemail. I proceeded to leave them a message saying I was sorry for forgetting and hoped they had a great holiday. I didn’t hear back from them that day like I usually would via text messages anytime I ever left them voicemails prior. I texted them the next day as I was concerned and asked if they had gotten my voicemail, how their Thanksgiving was, and if they were ok. Their response was brief and felt rather cold. They said they got my message and was busy with their kids on travel seeing their family and they’d get back to me when they returned. They didn’t ask how my Thanksgiving was or my vacation, which I found odd. After asking them why, it began a series of text messages that spiraled totally out of control with us going into separate corners. The last full text I got from them said they needed a break from hanging out, not permanently, but just for the moment. With the stress they’d been facing in a rough divorce and financial issues, I understood and responded that we should take the month of December off and regroup in January. I wished them a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and asked them to contact me after the holiday season was over. My intentions were pure, as I really didn’t want to add any further stress to their plate and I thought a decent break would help ease any tensions between us. Sadly, I never heard back from them after the holidays though. Another month and a half would pass after that. I didn’t reach out because I truly thought maybe they needed more time. I honestly wanted to do the opposite of what I usually tend to do, which was to try to fix things.

In mid-February, I began watching Ted Lasso, a show on Apple+ streaming, something they incessantly told me I should watch with the thought that it would uplift me. I kept refusing to give the show a chance and it became a running joke every time I left their house, that I should go home and start watching it. I’m glad I finally did because it moved my heart tremendously, enough so that I opted to finally email them and thank them for the suggestion. I followed that the next day asking them if they wanted to reconnect or if they had moved on. I waited a week for a response and decided to message them one final time, as I honestly didn’t want the friendship to end. Sadly, the response I got the next day was the title of today’s entry.

I spent a number of weeks fluctuating between anger and sadness over this. I beat myself up thinking I caused it, but eventually forgave myself saying I did my best. Frankly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever understand why something so trite was enough to end what I thought to be a close friendship. Heck, at one point, they even told me they considered me their closest friend. I don’t take things like that lightly. Regardless, it’s over now and time for me to move on, knowing that friends come in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I’m thankful I had a few seasons with this friend, as they were truly fun to be around, often lifting me up when I really needed it. I learned a lot from this friendship and feel much freer sharing my heart about it with all of you as I say goodbye to someone I care about and probably always will…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson