“How Do I Know Who To Pick For A Sponsor?”

“How do I know who to pick for a sponsor?” I probably hear this question at least once a week in the 12-Step recovery meetings I attend and it’s a very valid question indeed, especially for those who have no idea what a sponsor is for. But rather than going into a long and drawn out explanation of the latter, since that’s not the purpose of today’s article, let me at least say, the main purpose of a sponsor is to bring a person through the 12 Steps of recovery.

Now, for the actual question I initially posed, the one that continues to be posed in many of the recovery meetings I regularly attend, how does one actually figure out who to choose for their sponsor? My rule of thumb for those who ever ask me this, is for them to really pay attention to who they identify with the most in the meetings they attend. In other words, who’s words, when they speak, do they find themselves connecting to. Who seems to hold the ideals that they want for themselves? Who appears to hold the qualities that they themselves are seeking? Those are just some of the questions I tell people to ask themselves as they seek out a sponsor.

Personally, when I seek a sponsor these days, no matter what 12 Step recovery program it’s for, I look for someone who doesn’t overly swear, who speaks a lot about God or their Higher Power, who doesn’t seem to be full of pride and ego, who acts humble, who is open-minded, and who does a lot to help others selflessly.

I know that might sound like a tall order, but that sponsor is out there and I currently have one who fits that precisely in one of my recovery programs. I treasure their help and am inspired by the depth of work they do in their own life to better themselves spiritually on a daily basis. While that’s what I look for, please understand that the spiritual, mental, and emotional criteria for a sponsor will be different for each and every person.

So, if you’re ready to take the spiritual journey through the steps and are looking for a sponsor to guide you, ask God to help you in that search, remain open to those you find yourself drawn to in the aspect of their recovery in every recovery meeting you attend, avoid choosing close friends or people you are physically attracted to, and know that when you ask someone, they may indeed not be open to sponsorship at this time. If that ends up happening, ask them for suggestions for someone similar to them, and continue to remain open to where the search may lead next.

The bottom line though in this whole process of how to pick a sponsor for yourself ultimately comes down to one thing. What do you want out of your recovery? If you can identify even a few things, then you are well your way to having enough criteria to seek it out in a potential sponsor. And if by some chance, you find yourself having little to no success locating that individual with that criteria, know you can always start the steps with anyone and change sponsors later, as there truly is nothing wrong with that and it happens all the time.

Nevertheless, picking out a sponsor may feel scary, but if you are serious about doing the steps, ask God for help in finding the person who will best be able to help you, remain open to who may show up, and I promise you that once they do, that fear will pass and you will be well on your way to a healthy recovery from your addiction.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

“A Dish Of Ice Cream”

Lately, I seem to find myself looking for inspiration for my blog by seeking out short inspirational stories on the Internet. Today’s is titled “A Dish of Ice Cream.”

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. “How much is an ice cream sundae?”, he asked. “50 cents,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. “Ma’am, how much is it then for just a dish of plain ice cream?” he inquired further. Several people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was becoming a bit impatient. “35 cents,” she said brusquely. The little boy again counted the coins. “I’ll just have the dish of plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed. When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, was 15 cents – her tip.

I truly love stories like this, ones that show the selflessness that I believe God seeks in all of us. While this boy could have gotten the ice cream sundae he wanted, he instead chose to remain humble, solely so that he could offer the waitress a tip.

Sadly, when I was a kid, I know I wouldn’t have done the same as this boy did at that hotel coffee shop. Most likely I would have gotten the sundae and not leave a tip or I would have gotten the dish of plain ice cream and kept the 15 cents for myself. Pretty sad, isn’t it?

Unfortunately, I grew up rather spoiled in a family that never lacked money, where I always felt like I deserved everything and usually got it. That self-centered mentality continued well into my adulthood, so much so that many used to describe me as having a silver spoon stuck up my ass. Thankfully, that’s not the case anymore.

Losing the bed and breakfast I once owned and a vast sum of money, seeing my health rapidly decline in the process, and choosing to deal with it all by immersing myself in 12-Step recovery and servitude to God and Christ has totally shifted me away from that selfish person to one that’s more in alignment with the boy in this story.

These days, I do my best to think more of others than I do myself. I may not always be perfect at it, but I’m far better than all those days where I used to snap my fingers and expect everyone else to do everything I wanted.

Selflessness is something I definitely had to work hard at developing and I’m grateful that a simple story about a boy and a dish of ice cream reminded me of that journey and what I continue to strive for each and every day in my life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson