February’s Questions For You To Ponder

Well it’s that time again to post my monthly set of spiritual questions for each of you to ponder, except this time around, I decided to start including my own answers to each of them as well. So let me get right to it then, here are the questions:

  1. What place do you like to visit near you when you want to find a little slice of peace and serenity?
  2. What hobbies do you like to do that bring you joy?
  3. What was one thing you really liked to do as a kid that brought you great happiness and when was the last time you did it?
  4. Is meditation a regular part of your life, if so, what does it look like?
  5. What was the last book you read that truly uplifted you?
  6. If you had the ability to go back to school to learn something new, what would it be?
  7. Have you ever done a random act of kindness for a total stranger, if so, what was it?
  8. If you could spend an entire day with one famous person (alive or deceased) that you feel represents a spiritual person, who would it be with?
  9. What spiritual issue in this world would you most like to see fully resolved in your lifetime?
  10. If you had the resources to go live anywhere in this world right now, what place do you think you’d go to that would bring you happiness?

And as always, one more question for good measure…

  1. What person currently living most represents the kind of person you wish to become?

Here are my answers:

  1. Walking around the rock beds and along the water of the Maumee River in Maumee, Ohio.
  2. Doing puzzles, writing for my blog, and gardening.
  3. Playing miniature golf, late fall 2014 before it got too cold.
  4. Yes, 40 minutes either in the early morning or very late at night each day, breathing in for 10 seconds, holding 10 seconds, breathing out for 10 seconds, and holding 10 seconds.
  5. The Afterlife of Billy Fingers.
  6. Spanish
  7. Yes, bought coffees and other breakfast items for strangers at Starbucks, Bigby, and Dunkin Donuts.
  8. The original Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama.
  9. Full acceptance and equality for gays and lesbians.
  10. Tampa, Florida and preferably waterfront.
  11. The Dalai Lama.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’m Not Worthless!

I’m not worthless, not one bit, but I definitely woke up today feeling that way. I’m not sure why I actually did, but the fact of the matter is I did and whenever I feel that way it frankly stinks. And it’s because of me feeling that way this morning that I reached out to one of my sponsors in recovery hoping to get some much-needed reassurance. Except that’s not what I received. Instead, I was challenged to complete a homework assignment, which was to compose a list of all the things that show I’m not worthless. So here goes nothing…

I’m not worthless because:

  1. I have helped dozens of people find recovery from addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, love, and even food.
  2. I have been able to maintain a spiritual blog and write hundreds of original motivation articles every single day now for over two years.
  3. I have written an entire young adult fantasy novel.
  4. I have stayed clean and sober from alcohol and drugs for over 19 years.
  5. I have stayed clean and sober from unhealthy sex, love, and codependent behaviors for almost 3 years.
  6. I have had several of my articles published in newspapers and magazines in the country.
  7. I learned how to meditate and in turn have taught it to many others.
  8. I learned the art of numerology and have done many readings for others.
  9. I joined the ManKind Project and have led many spiritually seeking individuals there where they were able to find more of that in life.
  10. I have led others to a path of self-healing by demonstrating it within my own life.
  11. I have guided others to find more peace, love, light, and joy in life solely through writing about my own life’s trials and tribulations and how I’ve overcome them.
  12. I have helped total strangers not feel alone and unloved by just being myself and offering them acts of my own love.
  13. I know how to cut my own hair and have even been able to do that for others as well.
  14. I know how to garden and landscape and make yards look beautiful that inspire others to do the same.
  15. I have helped many to feel freer in life by safely expressing their deep emotions and talking about their burdens they’ve carried alone for so long.
  16. I have spoken in front of countless numbers of people in countless numbers of places of recovery without fear and have been told quite often how much it’s helped another.
  17. I can use a computer quite well and have taught others how to use one too.
  18. I can connect complicated stereo equipment together, DJ rather well on vinyl turntables, and throw a successful party.
  19. I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Rochester Institute of Technology with a degree in Computer Information Systems and used that knowledge to write a major bank’s checking account system, to construct a web company’s site, and to remove many bugs out of many major corporations’ software.
  20. I was able to complete this homework assignment and not give up.

I’m sure there is more I could come up with, but I feel I’ve done this assignment the justice it deserves. And just so you all know, I believe the main reason why I’ve been feeling this worthless feeling every now and then as of late is completely due to my ego and it’s selfish wants and desires.

Sometimes I find myself comparing my journey in life to the famous people I see accepting awards on television, to the doctors I see helping people heal, to the individuals I see championing multi-million dollar businesses, and so on and so forth. But maybe none of that is what I’m supposed to do in this life. Maybe what I’m doing right now is exactly what God wants me to be doing. And maybe I don’t see how much good I’m really already doing in this life.

Regardless, I’m not worthless. Thankfully, I can see that a lot clearer now. And thankfully I have a sponsor who knew precisely what to say, and precisely what to assign me, to help me figure that out for myself. Because ultimately, no one and no thing can ever give me any sense of self-worth, only I can, and that must come from within…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Mantra That’s Saved Me From Chasing Friendships

Have you ever felt like you were chasing after someone’s friendship? I know I have, too many times in fact, and unfortunately I allowed myself to go through it yet again just recently. But thankfully, the pain has finally become great enough to make sure it never happens again.

So what do I mean by chasing someone’s friendship? What does that look like when it‘s happening? These are two questions you may be asking yourself right now. I’ve been able to identify a bunch of the signs that indicate when this might be occurring, since I’ve obviously gone through it enough now. The following is a list of just some of them I’ve observed from my own behaviors, but I’m sure there are plenty more:

  • Phone calls never being returned.
  • Phone calls being returned days or even weeks later.
  • Conversations on the phone being mostly about them.
  • Getting little to no time in person with them.
  • Constantly hearing how busy their life is.
  • Getting their voicemail more than not.
  • Them not being willing to make plans for something down the road.
  • Them waiting until the last minute to solidify plans.
  • Other things coming up at the last minute that prevents them from keeping plans.
  • Rarely or never being invited to spend time at their home.
  • Rarely or never being invited to be a part of their plans.
  • Inviting them to something only to show up for a very brief amount of time.
  • Having them spend time with me as long as I’m paying.
  • Them having the money to hang out only when it’s something they want to do.

There is a simple reason why I’ve put up with these types of behaviors again and again and why I’ve ever chased after friendships in the first place. It’s truly about my lack of having them when growing up. Back then I had such a low self-esteem I just accepted what I got out of someone I thought was a friend, regardless of how little it actually was. In doing so, I was always treated poorly and deserved much better. While my life was once riddled with vast numbers of people who I allowed to do this to me, the occurrence of it has all but almost disappeared. I think that’s because I have a mantra (affirmation) that I’ve been saying each and every day now for years and it goes like this:

“I love and accept myself unconditionally, I deserve love and respect, and I accept nothing less.”

It’s because of this mantra and all my spiritual growth that I clearly see now I truly do deserve far better than what I was getting in any of those friendships I chased, including the one I regressed slightly with recently.

So the bottom line is this. Don’t chase after someone’s friendship because you really do deserve so much more than this. Try devoting that energy to someone else who’s willing to put forth a lot more effort, because in the long run you’ll be much happier. And in all honesty, believe in that age old adage when I say it’s their loss…not yours…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson