Intuition is defined as an ability to understand something immediately without any conscious reasoning. Some may say it’s better defined as simply a “gut feeling”. Lately, the Shaman I have been working with has been attempting to help me develop and trust in my own a lot better than I ever have. It’s proving to be a very difficult venture given that I haven’t allowed myself to trust in me for most of my life.
Growing up, I didn’t have much of a say in anything. It really was my parent’s way or the highway so to speak, which ultimately meant being grounded if I didn’t do what they wanted me to do. Often, there were times I had hunches about things, but generally I had to ignore them and take part in something even with already “knowing” that the outcome wouldn’t be good. When I ventured out on my own, this pattern repeated in all of the close friendships and relationships I got myself into. There were many times I would get those “gut feelings” about something but I wouldn’t listen to them and allowed someone else to think for me instead. The sad truth of the matter is that most decisions and actions in my life have always been guided by someone else other than myself. One of the biggest ones dealt with a bed and breakfast I once owned.
Many years ago, I had been approached by a person I had been dating for awhile. He had become unemployed and was desiring to take up a new venture in life by becoming an innkeeper. After reading several books on the subject, he got in contact with a real estate agent that specialized in selling bed and and breakfasts. We began touring ones that were for sale and an inner voice seemed to be telling me each time I looked at one, that this wasn’t my path. After a few months passed by with me saying “no” to each of the ones we looked at, he finally stood in front of me and said he was going to run a bed and breakfast with or without me. My fear got the best of me and I ended up ignoring that small voice that had continued to tell me not to go down this path. I settled on buying the next one we looked at, and over the next seven years my health suffered immensely, my relationship to that partner ended, and the bed and breakfast was sold as a short-sale with me losing every penny I had ever put into it.
I shared this story for only one reason. Of all the times I failed to listen to any intuition or “gut-feeling”, it had the strongest consequences for me. There are plenty of other ones I could share as well when I didn’t listen to those hunches and had to deal with other dire results. Some of those included doctors I went to who only brought about more confusion and sickness within me, people I hung around with that only increased my toxicity, social engagements I attended where I left feeling more miserable, and products I would try which caused me ill side effects. I realized today that so much of my pain in life probably could have been avoided, if I had been listening to my own inner guidance system more.
A year ago, I decided I had enough of this pain in my life, much of which had come from ignoring those “gut-feelings”. After doing a thorough purge throughout my life where I removed everything toxic, I began to move forward in my healing and asked God to be at the center of it. Because of that, I found myself listening to my inner voice a lot more. Like a plant that needs love and attention to grow and blossom, I started to pay a lot more of it to those “feelings” I would get about things I was trying to make decisions over. Much of this work has been with my health and healing where I’ve been trying to trust and rely more on my body’s own ability to fix itself. Prior to this, I ignored most any feeling I had inside which told me to allow my body to heal symptoms it was facing. Instead, I’d go to doctors for those symptoms where I got many false diagnosis’s and terrible medications, none of which ever did anything but cause more pain and sickness and further complications in my life. Because of this, I am doing my best to practice listening to those hunches, “gut-feelings”, and intuitions in every area of my life a lot more today.
I still make mistakes at times and fail to heed any inner guidance I may be getting because my brain sometimes over thinks things. Trying to differentiate between that inner voice and my brain’s often misguided instructions can be a battle in itself. But the more I get closer to God and live healthier, the better it seems to be getting to know the difference. Something must be working though because my life is filled with a lot less crazy ups and downs and a lot more of peace. Is it because I’ve been listening to those hunches a lot more? I think I’m having one of them right now and it’s telling me the answer is “Yes!”.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson