Recently I have been watching the reality television show The Voice on NBC. Normally in its past seasons, I haven’t been keen to tune into it because of two of its judges who I’m not a big fan of. With their hiatus in Season 4, I have enjoyed seeing it for the first time but have noticed something on it that has disturbed me enough to write about it. There have been many cases where each of its judges, who are also referred to as coaches, have said the words “You know I love you…” to a singer after one of their performances. What has struck me as odd when I hear them say those words, is that I’m not really feeling as if it’s coming from their heart.
The word “love” itself is defined in the dictionary as an intense and deep affection. I thought about that in The Voice’s coaches constant usage of it towards their singers. Could they really have that intense and deep affection towards one of them? Of course they could but I think what has got me pondering this is that I hear them say those words to just about every singer on every show. How this comes across to me is the same way I once used those words throughout my life.
In some cases, I once told people I loved them just because I believed it would make them feel better. In other cases, I would say them to those only in part due to knowing they wanted to hear me say it towards them. But in both cases, those words were rarely sincere because deep down inside I didn’t feel any deeply intense affection towards those people, or myself for that matter. As a result, I hurt many of them as my actions that followed spoke way louder than my use of those words.
I can’t truly say what the actions are of those judges on The Voice who are professing some level of love towards the singers beyond the few hours of programming that I am shown. Is there greater bonding that is happening where the coaches grow close to these singers? Do they reach out and show these singers their love is more than just saying some words after a performance? And when one of those contestants is eliminated, do they stay in contact with them and continue to try to help them? I can’t answer any of those questions because the show doesn’t tell me. The only thing I can address is how I use that phrase now in my own life.
Where I once used it in a selfish or self-seeking way, God has helped me to use it for the right reasons now. I love myself so much more today and when I say those words to someone else, it’s because I truly mean them from every facet of my soul. So when l say them to a bunch of strangers at a detox I’m speaking at for my volunteer work with Alcoholics Anonymous, it’s because I want them all to know I’m there to help them in any way I can and will if I’m given the chance. When I say them to my sister or her children, it’s because I feel so much closer to them now and would do anything I could to support them. As for my partner, I probably say them to him the most. So when I say them to him at the end of phone calls, going to bed at night, or just because, I really just want to make sure there’s no doubt in his mind that I love him, because I really do.
The point I’m trying to make here is that I don’t want to use the words “I Love You” anymore just because of a hidden agenda or trying to make someone else feel better. That did nothing more than cause undue pain and hurt to those I said them to and myself as well. Because of a deeper relationship with God today though, that has changed greatly. I have been shown more and more how we are all connected to each other on a soul level. Because of that, I find I want to say those words a whole lot more today and actually, I have been. There is a difference though in my use of them now. That difference is that I know I really mean them.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson