Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are two days I have a tendency to gloss over and forget about when they come and go every year. With the both of my parents having passed away quite a number of years ago, and with not being a parent myself, either day is like any other day of the year for me now. This year has been different though as I’ve been trying to honor both of my parents instead of talking about them negatively like I used to do more than not. So since today is actually Father’s Day, the words I’m sharing are for you Dad, who I loved dearly.
My dad, Lewis Arthur Dawson, was in his early 50’s when his life expired. Sadly, his death came at such a relatively young age because of him taking his own life. One of the greatest contributing factors to what caused this, and something that my father battled with throughout his life, was bi-polar disorder where he would experience cycles of manic highs and very depressive lows for extended periods of time. Unfortunately, many of those cycles occurred solely because he often would refuse medical treatment to handle the mood swings that came with his mental disorder.
For the longest time I was very shut down over his death and could only think negative thoughts about it or him. I wasn’t able to remember any of the good things about my father or any of the good times we shared. Much of that was due to the fact that I couldn’t see anything positive about my Dad since my mind was so clouded with anger, resentments, and judgments about him. What was even worse was that as I lived with those things, I also became seriously depressed and started living in self-pity. I felt incredibly robbed from having the father-son relationship I had just begun building with him after finally finding sobriety from my alcohol and drug addictions. But after several years of living in that pain, I sought healing and found it through hard work and many prayers. Since then, I have been blessed to remember many things that I loved my father greatly for. And here are just a few of them…
My Dad and I loved to take day trips with no specific agenda where we always ended up at some fun place to enjoy together like a sundae shop or a cool restaurant.
My Dad was an incredible racquetball player who taught me how to play the game almost as well.
My Dad and I loved to go on hikes into the mountains with a bag lunch to see breathtaking views.
My Dad and I loved getting italian ice from this place called Cafe Aurora where he would always get lemon and I some other crazy flavor that got all over my face and clothes.
My Dad made the best homemade pizza for me with green olives and pepperoni and where the crust was always perfectly crispy.
My Dad was the most spiritual person I knew and taught me how important it was to connect with God and one time, I even heard my father speak in Tongues.
My Dad and I loved swimming in the ocean and taking walks on the beach when we went to Myrtle Beach every summer for our family vacation.
My Dad always knew the right words to comfort me and knew how to build me up when I most needed it.
My Dad taught me the importance of financial responsibilities and about being prompt and punctual for appointments.
My Dad and I both liked to eat weird combinations of foods.
My Dad was big into nostalgia and we would often find 50’s diners to go to where I could play music on an old-fashioned jukebox.
My Dad and I on every Saturday morning would go down to the local bakery where he would get his coffee and fresh hard roll with butter and I, my hot chocolate and sweet pastry.
I’m sure I could come up with a lot more things that I loved about my father, but these are the ones I thought of immediately. Regardless of the tragedy that ended his life, my Dad was a great man who taught me so many of my good traits. He also helped vast numbers of other people in his life through his great teaching skills and ability to connect with them empathically. I’m thankful today to God to be able to remember so many good things about him and although his demons ended his life-force early, he left a legacy of light and love in not only me, but many others.
Dad, I pray you are with God now and much happier and filled with joy. Please know that I hope you forgive me for all the selfish times I avoided spending with you due to my addictions. I also want you to know that I forgive you for checking out so early in life. I have only good thoughts of you now, and I miss you and love you. Thank you for being the best father I could ever have because I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. Happy Father’s Day Dad!
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson