Have you ever met someone who looked pretty darn good on the outside, but as you got to know them a little better, you realized their “beauty” was only skin deep?
Lately, there’s someone I know who has been quite a mirror for me that is constantly reflecting into my past where I once made great efforts to keep my outside image looking pristine, yet on the inside I was a complete mess. A few months ago, this acquaintance left their $10/month gym membership behind and joined a health club that cost $93/month to be a member. Their rationality was that they would be more motivated to work out on a weekly basis because of the higher cost of membership. On that note alone, it appears as if their decision did make a difference as they now head to that club at least three times a week. In addition, this person hired a personal trainer there who is helping them to work out once a week and I have observed them now in various conversations showing off their new muscles or talking about how good they are starting to look. While all of those changes may be good for them to become healthier, what hasn’t changed is all the chaos I’ve seen in the person’s life that most others normally won’t ever see. And all of that chaos is no different than what once existed in my own life when my outside image was just as alluring for so many.
A few years ago, before my physical body went into the toxic removal state it’s currently in, I would usually spend an hour or two every single day at the gym with maybe the exception of one day a week. There I would do an hour of cardio, I’d lift weights, I’d swim many laps in the pool, and I’d feel temporarily better after all of it as I headed back to my home after each workout. But once there, I would often unravel at the seams. Sometimes anxiety would set in and other times it was depression as I dwelled on my life and where it was headed. I’d overeat whatever it was that I prepared for as a meal and justified that action in my brain because of that heavy workout I just completed. Many of those meals were never well balanced and healthy for me either. I also procrastinated in my life doing my laundry, household chores, paying bills, and keeping my responsibilities that others were dependent upon me for. At night, my focus was on looking at porn, talking to those who sexually stimulated me, or going out on “dates” that really were just my cover for “hooking up”. The focus of most of my conversations with anyone during that time were either completely about me and the drama in m life or about me playing Mr. Fix It in the life of the person I was talking to. Ironically, the one person I should have been trying to fix was the same one I was looking at in the mirror each and every day. It was also the one that I instead spent too much time staring in, prepping myself, and worrying about my looks before I left the house. The reality was that inside I was a complete and total mess even though I looked pretty good on the outside.
I’m actually very grateful that I haven’t been able to work out regularly for some time now. It has forced me to be still more than not and spend time looking at what’s below my own surface. There, I have been doing a ton of work on removing old harmful patterns, toxic behaviors, unhealthy thoughts and desires, and all the things that have kept me feeling ugly on the inside even when so many found my outsides alluring.
In recent months, I have been feeling much lighter and brighter and am starting to see that I’m growing spiritually, mentally, and emotionally because of all that work I’ve been doing on the inside. What’s funny is that my outsides don’t look so sculpted and shaped right now. I’m a little saggy around the edges of my waist and I’ve lost any definition I once had in my pectoral area. And while I am bothered a little by this, I know that the work I’ve been doing on the inside is much more important for the journey I desire in life to be closer to God.
Working out all the time and developing an amazing physique that makes people look in your direction might feel great for a period of time. But if you are living in a very selfish and self-centered life that is shallow and often filled with many fears and worries, you might want to remember this next point. As you grow closer to any of those people who take an interest in you because of your looks, they will only eventually see your beauty is skin deep and that will never, ever, lead to any type of healthy and longevity based relationship.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
