Have you ever walked into a room where everyone seems happy to see you except for one lone individual, who you may or may not know, but for whatever the reason, they don’t appear to particularly like you, even if you know you’ve done nothing negative towards them? If so, are you also the type of person who will then spend the rest of the evening letting that bother you where the only thing you’re able to focus on is that one lone individual who is giving the impression that they have some sort of ill will towards you?
A wise person once told me that I’m not always going to be able to get everyone to like me. Unfortunately, that never stopped me from trying anyway for most years of my life. If I was to delve into why I’d say it probably stemmed back to the relationship I had with my mother because I always wanted to stay in her good grace and keep her happy. With her having been an alcoholic, all too often she was complaining about something I was doing that wasn’t meeting her satisfaction. So if she wasn’t happy, without even knowing why, I often thought there was something I did wrong. Because of that, I’d do all sorts of nice things to try to get her happy again but until she did, I had a hard time focusing on anything else. As life moved on from those younger years, that pattern just morphed from person to person where if someone was upset or didn’t seem too happy around me, I would immediately think it was something I did wrong. The result was usually my attempting to make that person happy through any number of things. So in the case of the example I started out with, when I’d walk into a party where most everyone was happy to see me except for a person or two, my evening was spent trying to figure out why those few individuals didn’t appear to like me instead of having a good time with those who did.
Thankfully, with all the work I’ve done in recovery, therapy, the ManKind Project, with my spiritual teacher, and with God, I’ve been able to see things from a completely different perspective when it comes to this trait. And I’m grateful to say that this pattern is finally beginning to dissipate and hold less and less power over me. As I continue to grow more spiritual, I’ve been noticing that the brighter my soul becomes, the more I appear to be having greater numbers of people show signs of not liking me. At first I didn’t understand why, because I thought it would be exactly the opposite of that, but after working with my spiritual teacher, I’ve learned the answer through a simple principle she taught me.
She told me there are many people in this world who will choose to remain in darkness and do dark-based behaviors for the rest of their lives. They will oppose any light which exposes their darkness and will gravitate to only those people and places that keep them in that darkness. In my case, since I’ve chosen to expose myself completely to the light that God is sending me, all darkness from within me is being expelled and I am becoming brighter everyday as a result. In turn, this has led me to accepting the fact that when I see a person, who I’ve done nothing wrong towards, start talking behind my back, snickering at me, pointing a negative finger in my direction, or blatantly verbally attacking me, that’s it’s just their darkness trying to snuff out the bright light within me. This is exactly what my mother often did to me as a kid as she lived in a lot of her own internal darkness. As a child, my light was very bright. In fact, most children’s are, that is until a toxic parent, or toxic friend, or even from their own toxic actions, start to dim it. For years, I allowed my toxic mother and so many toxic others to take away my light. Then I just stayed in toxic behaviors and addictions that lead me into nothing but more darkness. I am so grateful that my relationship with God has led me back into the light again. Now I stay as far away as I can from those people who are consumed with remaining in their own darkness as I don’t ever want to go back to that place and join them.
I try to focus now solely on the people who want to be in the light. And I agree with that wise person who once said I was never going to be able to get everyone to like me. I’ve found that most people who don’t are generally those who refuse to look at their own darkness that’s living with in them. I pray for those people now and hope that I as continue to shine more and more brightly each and every day, that I may be a beacon for them to be guided out of their darkness. Because as they do, I know they will start to find me a whole lot more likable, all on their own, when their own light begins to shine just as bright.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
I too worry about what people think of me but I have to remember what they think is none of my business!