Ok, I’ll admit it, I know I have spoken a lot about my Higher Power, or God, if you will, through much of my writing in this blog. I’m sad to say that because of that, some people have come in here and read a few entries only to be turned off by its reoccurring theme. Others have even said I sound too religious. What’s funny is that I am so far from being that type of person, but more importantly, because of their comments, I realized I haven’t taken the time yet to write about why I have that reoccurring theme in the first place. The answer is quite simple actually. And it comes down to asking yourself two questions. Who, or what, have you made your higher power, and how happy has your life become as a result of that decision?
I think the words “Higher Power”, warrant a vert brief explanation at this point. In all 12 Step Recovery Programs, they have been used since the original founders of Alcoholics Anonymous first established them. It was those founders who discovered the only recovery from a life of addiction was to turn over one’s entire life to a power greater than themselves that was unconditionally loving and caring. They also knew that if they had used the word “God” instead, it would have brought up many negative connotations like it did for those people who thought my blog sounded too religious. I applaud those founders for that decision because there was a time that I too, had negative feelings when I heard the word “God.” Unfortunately for me though, that was also the time where the focus of my desire was on many different things, where each became my higher power and none were able to give me any real unconditional love or care.
You can make anything be the focus of your desire. And if that focus of your desire consumes most of your life, then it has become your higher power. The first thing that became my higher power in life was alcohol. Then it was drugs. Then it was cigarettes. Then it was sex and love. Then it was caffeine. Then it was money. And then it ended with it being certain people who I was codependent or obsessed with. Each of those things garnered at their specific points in my life, all of my focus and attention. I dedicated my entire life to each of them to the extent where my world revolved around them. And I loved each of them dearly, more than anything else, when they were a part of my life.The sad thing is that none of them were ever able to care for me back in the same way, nor were they ever able to love me unconditionally.This is the precise reason why all of those things will do nothing more than drive us into a life of misery and unhappiness. And that’s exactly what it did for me for over two decades of my life.
Alcohol and drugs, sex and love, a new relationship, coming into a bunch of money, the latest gadgets and gizmos, cars and houses, cigarettes, caffeine, or any person one chases after, all will fail in the long run in the pursuit of eternal happiness. The truth is that they may work for a time as each did for me, but there also comes the time when they won’t. I spent years and years finding myself in the depths of despair because I placed many different powers that weren’t greater than myself as my higher power. But thankfully, two years ago, I finally woke up and realized my life was going nowhere. It was then that I found my Higher Power, which today I’m ok to say that it’s God. And to me God is everything now that is unconditionally loving and caring. None of those things that I chose as my higher power prior to this were able to do that. Not a single one. This God of my understanding, or my Higher Power as my recovery led me to find, does have those qualities, and loves me for me. While there has been constant challenges with my health conditions during these past two years, each has far surpassed any of my former attempts at finding long lasting happiness from within. While my world was a constant roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows, and anxieties and depressions before, now it’s become a lot smoother of sailing then I’ve ever been able to experience. And that alone makes following my Higher Power incredibly worth it.
Look, you can spend the rest of your life making anything on this earth your higher power. But when you find yourself living a life that often feels like a roller coaster, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and ask yourself two questions. Who, or what, have you made your higher power, and how happy has your life become as a result of that decision???
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson